


Queen of Disaster

by sassafrassing



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Banter, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Original Character(s), Romance, Snark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:21:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29366934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassafrassing/pseuds/sassafrassing
Summary: As she contemplates dismembering the world and dancing in the wreckage, she hopes that maybe he'll join her. Where Sakura is a hot mess, Kakashi is charmed, and their timing is absolute shit.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi
Comments: 86
Kudos: 100





	1. Chapter 1

It was two days before her eighteenth birthday.

A young woman found herself sitting alone consuming shot after shot of sake as she stared intently at the bar counter before her. Her brows were furrowed and eyes set in deep concentration. A recently finished, heavily used copy of a medical textbook was tossed to the side of her. The smell of sex, cigarettes, and booze saturated the air around her, permeating into her attire. The heavy atmosphere of debauchery was oddly comforting. Motioning for another refill, Sakura broke out of her reverie and let out a small huff of frustration.

The notepad in front of her was filled with layers of coded shorthand. Slender fingers fidgeted with a black pen restlessly. A figure appeared before her and set down a fresh bottle of sake with a thud. Looking up questioningly, the bartender returned it with a stern look. Grinning slightly, she silently mouthed her thanks. He knew her so well. There was a loud shatter and howls of laughter erupted from the back. A particularly rambunctious group of shinobi were jeering at the drunken mess one of their companions made. Rolling her eyes, she got back to drinking.

Sakura looked out of place in the small pub located in the seedy section of downtown Konoha. Long, pink tresses were messily secured on top of her head and she wore a cream colored oversized sweater that she positively drowned in. Her hitai-ate was absent from her person although her byakugou seal remained prominent on her forehead. Exuding homely comfort and overwhelming frustration, any curious potential suitors were deterred. It helped that her violent reputation preceded her. Only one time she was bothered and she ended up dedicating a week's paycheck to repairing a demolished wall.

She stumbled into this establishment six months ago. One night she wandered downtown to avoid running into her insincerely sympathetic peers. Opening the wooden door, she peered inside and saw an old man bustling about catering to rapid fire orders of alcohol. There was a good flow of people that Sakura did not recognize and the place seemed to lack any unsavory characters. Slowly settling at the far corner of the bar, she hesitated a bit before capturing the attention of the old man.

...

"Um hello," she said with a tentative smile.

Peering at her, "Whuddaya want girl?"

"What would you recommend?"

"Can ya hold your liquor?"

Slightly grinning, "Too well."

With a rough chuckle, "Good."

He limped to the opposite end of the bar and she could hear a loud curse of anger when he bent down. Retrieving an unassuming white bottle, he made his way back to her with a small glass. Setting the glass down, he fluidly poured a shot and pushed it toward her.

"Have a taste of _that._ "

Interested in the clear liquid, Sakura expertly downed the shot. It burned smoothly down her throat. Her eyes widened in surprise at the pleasant aftertaste.

"Is that peach sake?"

Giving her a crooked grin, "Yup. Brew tha stuff myself. Good right?"

"Exceptionally," she said while motioning for another.

"You seem tha type to appreciate good sake. Don't tell tha batshit Hokage about it," he muttered gruffly.

"Tsunade-sama? Why?"

"She'd enslave me as her personal brewer, that's why."

Raising a brow, "Aren't you a little too confident?"

"Brat, ya on your fifth shot already."

Sakura laughed.

"OI OLD MAN, QUIT TALKIN' UP THE BABE AND GET ME ANOTHER ROUND!"

Swiveling around and throwing a kitchen knife with alarming speed, "HAH? Matsumoto shut your goddamn mouth you stupid little shit."

Barely dodging due to his inebriated state, the young shinobi threw his hands up in mock defeat, "Aww don't be like that. We're just jealous you always chat up the cute girls."

"Maybe they'd be returnin' customers if ya weren't around chasing pussy."

Intervening, "Oh I'm not worried about him at all. But thanks for your concern…?"

"Kenpachi," he answered while offering his weathered hand.

"Sakura," she said while taking it, noting the various scars and calluses on his hand.

"Strong grip ya got there."

"I'm stronger than I look," she said with a knowing smile.

"Hold on a sec," he said while motioning for her to continue drinking.

Sakura happily obliged.

Kenpachi made his was toward the unruly regular at the opposite end of the bar. Sakura took the time to assess her new friend. He was on the smaller side, however he exuded an almost feral aura. There was no mistaking the fact that he was a retired shinobi. It was odd seeing someone in her profession so old and relatively healthy. His face was profusely angular and battle worn and his shock of white hair ran wild. From the way he limped, she concluded that he had an old thigh wound that was never properly treated. Back in his prime, competent medic nin were quite scarce.

"So," he said as he returned to where she was seated, "Whatcha doin' here in my humble establishment?"

She slammed her head down onto the bar with a dejected groan. Kenpachi heard a low murmur in response.

"Whud was that?"

Lifting her glass up begging for another shot, "Newly single."

Giving a low whistle as he complied, "Rough shit."

"You're telling me," she snapped as her head shot up with a heated glare.

Busying himself with quartering limes, Kenpachi gave the miserable woman a sympathetic look, "So what happen'? Did the dumbass die?"

" _I wish_ ," Sakura hissed as she slammed her fist down abruptly. As she removed her hand, he noticed his bar counter had splintered under the weight of her fist. Choosing not to comment on it, he proceeded with his task. The girl had decided to forgo the glass and drink straight from the bottle.

Downing her approximately fifteenth shot that evening, "Asshole _cheated_ on me. Of course, _I'm_ the fool for ever going out with him right? I've been in love with him for _ages_ and he turns around and _fucks_ a girl on my kitchen floor and then slams the door _in my face?_ "

A loud clatter startled her from her drunken rant.

"What tha shit?"

"Yeah! That's what I said!" Sakura agreed enthusiastically as she took another swig from the bottle.

Pointing a paring knife animatedly at her, "There be two things I don't tolerate – dumbfuck lil' boys who disrespect women and bad tempura."

"Here, here!"

Sakura was clearly intoxicated at this point.

However, this did not inhibit her ability to sense her surroundings. It simply meant she could give less than zero fucks about anything at this point of inebriation. Kenpachi and Sakura further exchanged passionate speeches about how men were trash. She could have sworn he was merely instigating her for his own amusement; however she didn't mind. It felt wonderful to candidly express what she had to endure. There was no one she could truly confide in her life at that point.

She sensed an inebriated body stumble its' way to where she was sitting. Paying no mind to the person, "Neh, Kenpachi, know any good men to date?"

"Sorry peach, anyone I know 'round ya age are a bunch of pussy-footin' dipshits."

Suddenly Sakura was assaulted by the obnoxious shinobi from before. Firmly grabbing her left breast and nuzzling the right side of her face, "Hey I'm _all_ man… How 'bout you and I get outta here? I'm _much_ better company than the ol' man."

Before Kenpachi could come to his customers rescue, there was an indistinguishable flurry of movement and crazed war cry. Matsumoto was promptly thrown across the bar and through the concrete wall separating its' inhabitants from outside.

"Well I'll be damned, peach is Tsunade's brat."

_"SHANNARO YOU DRUNK BASTARD I'LL KILL YOU!"_ Sakura exclaimed as she stomped toward the unconscious shinobi. 

_"Holy shit it's the Godaime's apprentice!"_

_"What the FUCK is she doing here?"_

_"WE'RE GONNA DIE!"_

_"ABORT ABORT. LEAVE MATSUMOTO… SAVE OURSELVES!"_

A mob of drunk patrons and ninjas toppled over one another as they hurried through the gigantic hole in the wall to escape the wrath of the infuriated woman. Absolutely seething and slightly swaying due to her intoxication, Sakura was just about to punch the unconscious man in front of her when she heard a high-pitched whistle.

Capturing her attention, "Yo peach, you're my new favorite customer and all, but ya still gotta pay for that shit!"

Turning around to face Kenpachi with a sheepish grin, "Heh, sorry!"

It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

...

Smiling demurely at the memory, Sakura sank into her stool. Six months seemed so long ago. The following day after her first encounter with Kenpachi, she stormed into headquarters hungover and irate. In the lobby, she saw her two teammates exchanging the usual insults. Naruto was bright and joyful as ever. Sasuke, _the fuckface_ , was brooding and ridiculously attractive as ever. Honestly, the injustice. Before Naruto even had a chance to cheerfully greet her as he usually did, she unleashed her fury.

Rumors circulated about the incident. Apparently, half the building ended up being condemned as unusable. Fourteen people were injured in the crossfire and both Naruto and Sasuke were briefly put out of commission. At first, Naruto did his best to appease his female best friend and tried to defend Sasuke from the majority of her attacks. However, when Sakura disclosed the reason why she wanted to murder the last Uchiha, Naruto snapped. Sasuke and Naruto became engaged in a lethal fist fight and rapidly exchanged wind and fire release jutsus, until Sakura ended it by knocking Sasuke the fuck out.

They were all instantly subdued by an ANBU squad who was under the impression they were responding to an attack on the Hokage and village. Tsunade was livid and suspended her from active duty for six months. Sakura refused to associate with anyone during that time and resorted to burying herself in research. In her defense, Naruto was the _only_ one she knew who did not know about Sasuke's philandering ways. However, the always forgiving blonde was too easy to forgive – and she was not ready to play nice anytime soon.

"Yo watcha working on peach?"

She looked up to see Kenpachi staring down at her with an interested look on his face.

"Oh this," motioning to her notepad, "It's just chemical compounds for a new poison I'm working on."

Giving her a weary look, "Who pissed you off?"

_"Everyone."_

"Well, get tha stupid suspension lifted. Go kill fuckers in tha field instead of terrifyin' my customers."

Standing up determinedly, "You know what, you're right."

"I know I'm right, now get on with it. These idiots are still scared shitless of ya after what happened to Matsumoto."

Sakura pouted as she stood up and made her way toward the door, "Fine. One for the road then?"

Pretending to consider her request, a bottle was effortlessly tossed to her from across the room. Catching it flawlessly, she gave a dramatic bow, "Why thank you ojii-chan."

Sakura lazily dodged the kitchen knife thrown in her direction, "HAH? I'll kill you ya saucy cunt. Get tha fuck outta my bar!"

Her airy laughter was heard as she swiftly slammed the door shut behind her.

...

He was fucked, to put it mildly.

Tsunade would probably assign him to genin level missions for at least a year – or worse, another genin team. It wasn't his fault really. If there was anyone to blame, it was the intelligence acquired by the recon team Tsunade sent out before him. What was supposedly a covert infiltration and assassination mission ended up as a complete blood bath. His objective was fairly generic and undoubtedly simple: silence the political extremist Hitomi Toru. Konoha was not to be affiliated with the assassination and the consequences of him being seen would have been a political disaster.

For seven months Kakashi imbedded himself in Hitomi's large network to familiarize with his supporter's abilities, manpower, and strategies. From what he concluded, the foundation and driving force of the radical movement relied entirely on his target. Silence Hitomi, and the rest of the organization would perish. _From what he was told_ , Hitomi was to host a meeting with a few of his entourage at an exclusive teahouse in a private room. Kakashi was presented with the perfect opportunity to execute his assignment – free from prying eyes and ears.

Naturally, everything went to shit when he realized he had stumbled upon not a meeting with his target and a few of his trusted associates, but a meeting with an additional 34 lieutenants of the organization. In retrospect, he was extremely grateful that he took the time to seal the room and that the organization was comprised of only mediocre shinobi. Yet imagine his surprise when he realized that two of the dismembered corpses in the room were undercover Cloud Jonin?

Relations between Leaf and Cloud were pleasant after the war, however an indiscretion of such a magnitude was not to be ignored. Best case scenario was that Tsunade retired him, worst case he was extradited to Cloud and subsequently executed. He didn't want to dwell on the gory details of the affair as he would revisit them when he gave his report anyway. There had been a lot of body fluids, entrails, and blood curling screams to say in the least. Nothing out of the ordinary, but not as stealthy as he would have liked it.

He had definitely made a huge miscalculation.

Kakashi would have never simply relied on the information from reconnaissance. There was always room for the unexpected to occur. He should have gathered his own intel and performed a final sweep of the building. But he had not. Maybe he was getting rusty or maybe he truly didn't give a shit anymore. Regardless, more pressing matters had arisen. He couldn't help but shake that ominous feeling that the consequences he would suffer would be tremendous.

That, however, would be a tremendous understatement.

Tsunade's office was surprisingly organized for it being so late in the evening. Either she had been discovered by Shizune after evading paperwork all day and had her sake confiscated, or she enslaved an unfortunate group of Chunin to do the work for her and tidy up. He sincerely hoped it was the latter. As he was relaying his account on how the mission went, he noticed her subconscious habit of circling her finger on the rim of an empty sake cup. This particular habit occurred whenever she was in dire need of sake and in a horrendous mood. The motion stopped just as he quietly added a particular detail toward the end of his report.

"Kakashi… I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that last detail. Would you mind repeating what you just told me?"

She used her disgustingly sweet tone that always preceded her explosive anger. He discreetly slid into a position more compatible with flight as he observed the extremely powerful, buxom blonde in front of him. Knowing full well she heard him, however not one to deny a request from the Hokage herself, he proceeded to repeat that yes, he did dismember two undercover Cloud shinobi.

"You did WHAT," Tsunade exploded in front of him.

"Would you like me to repeat that for a third time Hokage-sama?"

"Hatake you're just one more word from being demoted back to the academy!"

Apparently, someone had too much paperwork today and not enough sake.

"Yes Hokage-sama."

"How the hell did you not know they were undercover?"

"Well, I specifically noted that they were _undercover—_ " he replied smartly.

"Don't give me that bullshit, Cloud ninja are shit. You should have known better!" Tsunade bellowed.

"Well, yes, their fighting capabilities do support that statement, however one was wearing a very convincing eyepatch—"

"You at least destroyed the corpses correct?"

"Of course, Hokage-sama, it's common procedure."

"Considering how poorly you handled the situation I'm surprised you cared to remember," she snorted with contempt.

"Mah, I didn't actively seek out Cloud nin to kill…"

"I swear you're after my job if you're intentionally starting international incidents to make me look bad."

"No, I'd very much not like your job Hokage-sama. You're splendid at it, and I swear you look younger every day."

"Hatake…"

"By the way, may I suggest you look into our reconnaissance department? I feel they are lacking as of late."

"Hatake. Shut it. Now."

Needless to say, he fell silent.

Massaging her forehead out of exasperation, Tsunade wondered why she put up with the man before her. He was pushing past his prime age wise and should be confined to a desk before he got himself decapitated. However, despite what she thought of him most of the time, grudgingly, she had to admit he really was brilliant. It would be a shame if she didn't exploit that brilliance before he either succeeded her or got himself killed. After all, he still managed to execute every mission to perfection – completely disregarding this recent one. Plus, it was nice having a living legend on her active roster, it certainly helped to pull in lucrative clientele.

Leaning back in her chair, Tsunade raised an inquiring brow, "Now, what do you propose I do with you? You seem to enjoy almost causing a political shit storm and creating a ton of paperwork for me."

"Ah, I'd prefer if you didn't disembowel me," Kakashi requested, with all due respect.

"Unfortunately, I just had my nails done. It would be a shame for that money to go to waste."

Both occupants in the room understood she got manicures for free.

"But oh the possibilities. I'm sure you're the only person in the world who hates paperwork more than I do," she began menacingly.

Contrary to popular belief, Kakashi did turn in all of his mission reports well before they were due. They were surprisingly in depth, articulate, and neatly written if he did say so himself. However, because everyone was under the impression that he was incredibly lazy, apathetic, and not one to conform to authority, those who read his reports always attributed it to being written by a poor, unsuspecting victim of rank. Therefore, all credit went to an anonymous underling. To be perfectly clear, Kakashi was incredibly lazy, apathetic, and not one to conform to authority – however even he was allowed to have certain anal-retentive quirks.

"I suspect you want me to finish all of your paperwork from the last month," he offered.

"Tempting, but knowing you, you'll exploit some poor group of Chunin – which should be something only I'm allowed to do."

There again was that misconception.

"Now, what to do with you…"

The door to Tsunade's quarters suddenly busted open as a young woman came rushing in with an empty bottle of sake in tow.

"Shishou, I think you should really reconsider my suspen—"

"Damn it Sakura, I thought I banned you from headquarters until further notice!"

Now there was a familiar face who didn't seem keen on torturing him. It had been a while since Kakashi saw Sakura, and she appeared as determined and lively as ever. Or maybe she was just drunk. Her hair definitely grew longer during his time away. It was… nice. They had been rather friendly and, dare he admit it, close after the war. All of Team 7 were. Though it seemed quite a few things had changed since he left. 

"It's not my damn fault Sasuke is a cheating bastard and I inherited _your_ temper and _your_ strength!"

Kakashi gave his former subordinate a startled look.

"You put fourteen people in the hospital, destroyed government property, and decommissioned two valuable assets!"

Rolling her eyes, Sakura made herself comfortable in the chair next to Kakashi's standing form.

"I keep telling you it was mostly Naruto and Sasuke! And granted, I _could_ use a little work on my temper, but it's not like you're one to talk," she whined before adding, "Oh, hey Kakashi."

"Yo," he responded with a wave.

"Brat, you may have surpassed me in most respects, but I am still your Hokage and I demand respect!"

"Shishou give me a break—"

"And are you drunk? Again!"

Abruptly dropping the bottle in her hand, "Of course not!"

"Look, I understand that Uchiha broke your little heart, but move on Sakura!"

"I am _not_ drinking myself to an early grave because of that fucking—"

"I see you're quite busy Hokage-sama, I think I'll just return later," Kakashi hastily interrupted the conversation.

Turning her attention to the uncomfortable man, "Not so fast Hatake! If you even attempt to flee, I'll give you a new genin team."

Becoming distracted from defending her drinking habits, Sakura's curiosity got the better of her.

"What did he do now shishou?"

"Oh what didn't he do for starters."

"Hokage-sama, it's against protocol to reveal sensitive material to those who lack clearance or fall outside of the mission's scope."

He clearly should not have said such a thing after both women in the room began a thunderous chorus of attacks on his manhood, abilities as a shinobi, and appearance. The last part really hurt his feelings.

"Oh please Kakashi, we pretty much have the same level of clearance by now and I've been working part-time as Tsunade-sama's advisor for years," Sakura scoffed, "So what did he do? Accidentally destroy your prized collection of sake?"'

"Sakura, you do understand I wouldn't be alive if I had done such a thing."

"Right he is. Anyway, all he did was dismember two Cloud Jonin…" Tsunade started.

"You did WHAT Kakashi? Are you TRYING to start an international incident and blow to hell our happy little post-war alliance?"

Seeing her incredulous look of complete disbelief at his apparent stupidity, Kakashi decided it was only fair to defend himself in front of his former subordinate.

"Mah Sakura, it's not like anyone will find out. I disintegrated the corpses and made sure there weren't any witnesses and then made a very impressive and cool escape."

Just as she was about to retort, Sakura suddenly began to scrutinize her former sensei's appearance. He still towered over her despite slouching as he always did. His lean yet powerful form, train wreck hair, and annoying eye crinkle looked back at her. It amazed her that after all these years he remained the same in physical appearance, and apparently stupidity.

"You two are _definitely_ trying to kill me," Tsunade moaned in despair, "I've had it with you idiots. Get the hell out of my office and report back to me first thing in the morning."

"But shishou—"

"But Hokage-sama—"

"But nothing! I am tired and way too sober. And Hatake, if you are even a minute late, I will assign you TWO genin teams."

With her final word, Tsunade promptly threw her prized pupil and assassin out of her office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is focused on ridiculous, humorous Sakura/Kakashi shenanigans - a stark contrast to my other in-progress stories. It keeps things ~*fun*~ when writing multiple works at once, especially since the other two are pretty dark. Thank you so much in advance for reading and I sincerely hope you enjoy!
> 
> Please (!!!) consider leaving a review if you do enjoy this story. I read, and re-read, every single comment and will absolutely reply back because y'all are great.
> 
> This is a cross-post from my account on FF.net (sassafrassing)


	2. Chapter 2

There was a brief silence between the two individuals standing outside in the cool spring evening.

A deep red flush adorned her cheeks as she attempted to steady herself. Although her tolerance was exceptionally high for her gender and stature, she had trouble composing herself at the moment. She was also too far gone to use chakra to burn the alcohol out of her system. Not wanting to further embarrass herself, she gave a determined mental pep talk and a very visible nod in agreement. Kakashi let out a small sigh as he turned to the inebriated woman at his side. She was clearly unaware that her antics were not in the privacy of her own mind but instead very public. He may have thought her stupor was endearing. But he was quite tired, still soiled with blood and bits of human flesh, and he did not want to entertain a woman who could easily break his ribs with a misguided poke of her finger.

"Sakura-chan."

Still engaged in an internal monologue, thoughts strayed toward her deepest insecurities that threatened to surface. She thought about the woman sprawled on her kitchen floor ensnared in the throes of passion. Light, silky brunette hair created an ironic halo for _the little slut._ Her naked, voluptuous form defiled the new, aquamarine ceramic tiles Sakura recently installed. Throaty moans still rang in her head. In response, she gave a very audible growl of anger.

Taking a step back as a precaution, "Yo, Sakura-chan?"

Snapping back to reality, "Yeah Kakashi?"

"Let me walk you home," he said as he started walking before her, "Before you end up killing someone."

With a slight grin, Sakura nodded and chased after him before settling into a comfortable pace beside him. She noticed he had whipped out a copy of _Icha Icha_ and was reading it in the moonlight.

After a few minutes, her mouth got past her censor, "Ne Ka-ka-shi, do you think I'm pretty?"

Whipping his head toward her face, Kakashi found himself in an unfortunate predicament. The most he would permit himself to acknowledge was that Sakura was indeed physically attractive. However, he never allowed his thoughts to dwell past that statement. Now, ignoring her question would most certainly elicit a belligerent response. Answering the question could result in a variety of outcomes such as being labeled a pervert, being punched in the face, or opening up a very dangerous discussion. Doing what he did best, he evaded.

"Why do you ask? Does it have to do something with Sasuke-kun?"

He was startled as she suddenly took hold of his left arm that held his beloved book and burrowed her face in it. Kakashi heard a muffled scream of agony and then a very lengthy whine.

"You know you whine a lot when you're drunk."

Snapping her head up, yet not easing her hold, "You would too if you had to deal with the shit I had to deal with in the past six months!"

Giving her an amused look, "Go on."

"Look, I understand he may have felt pressured into being in a relationship with me – like it was expected from him by everyone and especially Naruto. But goddamnit he couldn't even have an ounce of _respect_ for me to tell me differently? I would have understood. Yeah I would have cried my eyes out but at least I would have known he respected me. But no, he fucks around behind my back and everyone turns a blind eye to his bullshit because _'at least I got what I wanted'._ What the fuck!"

"You know you also curse a lot when you're drunk."

She glared at him.

"So… Did Naruto-kun know about Sasuke-kun's… transgressions?" He grimaced as her hold tightened.

"Bless that oblivious idiot. He is the only one remotely on my side. Everyone else pretty much thinks I deserve it for getting into a relationship with _him._ "

Sighing, "I leave you three alone for seven months and this is what happens."

Easily distracted, "Oh yeah, how did your mission go. Besides the obvious fuck up?"

"Boring. Then a lot of carnage. Now a lot of paperwork and potential castration," he said idly.

Scoffing, "It's not like you do your paperwork anyway."

There again was that misconception.

"I'll have you know _my dear Sakura-chan_ that I do all of my paperwork. I don't understand why no one believes me."

"You're a lazy bastard. That's why."

Visibly dejected, "I remember when you used to respect me."

Leaning her head on his shoulder casually, "That's before I knew the legend did not match reality."

With his right hand, he aggressively ruffled her hair, "You're cute when you try to talk tough."

He was violently shoved to the side of the road a few feet before the pink-haired woman hollered, "Don't patronize me, asshole! Ugh, no one takes me seriously!"

Sighing yet again, "Sakura-chan, of course I take you seriously."

Her gaze softening, "Really?"

"You can kill me with a flick of your wrist. Who wouldn't take that seriously?"

"ARGH YOU RUINED IT," she threw her hands up to her head in exasperation.

Laughing lightly at her dramatic exclamation, "Yare, yare, if you are so eager to prove yourself how about we spar tomorrow – if Tsunade-sama doesn't kill us first."

Throwing him a skeptical glance, "You've never sparred with me solo before."

With a shrug, "You sucked before."

Sakura chose to ignore that honest jab.

As they slowly approached her apartment complex, Sakura stopped briefly before turning toward Kakashi. Although slightly sobered up, the depressant coursing through her system was making her very drowsy. She was in the mood to strip naked and snuggle with her comforter stuffed with goose feathers that she imported from the Hidden Village of Grass. Her spacious bedroom was her sanctuary. The majority of her apartment was comprised of it. The rest of her home was tiny, but she never spent much time in it anyway. She once had a passion for cooking and even had her kitchen remodeled as a treat to herself. But after she destroyed the hell out of it, she only ate takeout.

Speaking of which, her drunk cravings could be satisfied by some of the takeout she left out on the coffee table.

"Thanks for walking me back," she said as she uncharacteristically patted him on the shoulder.

Looking at her hand with curiosity, "Anything for my once prized subordinate."

Snorting in an unattractive manner, "I'm going to destroy you tomorrow."

Ruffling her hair once more, Kakashi got the last say, _"You're 100 years too early to be talking shit."_

Her fist only managed to hit a puff of smoke as he vanished.

...

It was very early in the morning as Sakura dragged herself hungover through the streets of Konoha.

There were a few shopkeepers opening shop who pleasantly greeted her as she passed. Forcing herself to smile, she obliged them with a wave and a cheerful salutation. Her own voice made her cringe as her head pounded in protest. She personally enjoyed the company of civilians. Konoha was comprised of gentle, genuine people. They always made time to strike up conversations with her and often gave her discounts. It probably helped that she healed at least half of the civilian population. As she passed one of her favorite dango restaurants, Sakura beseeched whatever deity above that the Yamanaka Flower Shop was not open this early in the morning.

"Hey billboard brow!"

Sakura grimaced at the banshee screech. Fuck the gods. She continued to walk and was determined not to acknowledge her shitty best friend.

"Ugh when are you going to stop being such a bitch?"

With her temper already at its limit, "Pig, I am still suspended. I don't want to get thrown in Blood Prison for killing you so leave me alone."

She felt someone yank her wrist and swivel her body toward them. Bloodshot green eyes met blue.

"Tut, tut, out drinking again?"

"Yes."

"Being an alcoholic is _so_ unattractive. And _what_ are you wearing?"

Sakura looked down. She appeared as if she had just rolled out of bed. Which was what happened, but that is beside the point. Ever since she was suspended from active duty, she forwent her red inspired attire. It attracted too much attention and she could use the change. Red immediately associated her with the war (blood), her role in it, her place on the legendary Team 7, and everything that she no longer was. When she wasn't wearing civilian clothes, she wore fitted black clothing. Doing laundry ended up being easier. Plus, it's not like she had men lining up at her door – to hell with looking cute.

"I'm sparring today. Forgive me if I'm not dressed like I'm going on a date."

"Really? With who?"

"What's it to you pig?" she bit back.

Rolling her eyes, "I've barely seen you in six months. I want to catch up. Where the hell have you been?"

Freeing her wrist from her friend's grip, "Avoiding shitty best friends and shitty ex-boyfriends."

"Oh don't be so dramatic. You _knew_ what you were getting into."

"And you _knew_ all this time about him cheating and didn't bother giving me a heads up. Fuck off."

Ino huffed as she crossed her arms, "Fine! You know where to find me when you decide to grow the fuck up."

"Ino-chan! Stop being mean to Sakura-chan!" the old woman who owned the neighboring dango restaurant reprimanded.

Turning her attention to the woman, "Mind your own business you old bat!"

"So rude!" the offended woman grumbled. "Come back later Sakura-chan," she chimed, "I have a new dango recipe for you to try out!"

Sakura smiled sweetly at the old woman before wordlessly stomping away.

She would most certainly take up on that offer. Her day was already to an abysmal start. As Sakura arrived at the entrance of headquarters, she paused. Construction appeared to be on the verge of completion. Considering the extent of the damage she caused (however she would like it to be noted that both Naruto and Sasuke partook in the shenanigans), whomever Tsunade contracted did a remarkable job. Yawning loudly, she stretched her lithe form. As her fingers attempted to run through her vibrant hair, they repeatedly hit snags. Frowning, she bent down and flipped her hair over her head as she tried to untangle it. Sakura wanted to look at least somewhat presentable in front of her Hokage.

"Yo," a voice greeted from nowhere.

Sakura peered past here hair to see Kakashi upside down above her. He jumped effortlessly down in front of her.

"New grooming technique? Doesn't seem effective."

Scowling at him, "You're early."

"And you're looking a bit rough this morning."

"Yeah I get it."

He gave her that infuriating eye crinkle.

"You're not supposed to be here for another four hours," she stated skeptically.

"Ah. I vowed never to take another genin team again after you guys."

"Aww, love us that much Kakashi?" she asked in a teasing tone.

"No," he shuddered, "All three of you were _–are–_ a nightmare."

Sakura lightly punched his arm. Sighing as she started for the door, "We should hurry. Shishou doesn't like to be kept waiting."

"No need."

His tone was oddly cheerful.

Panicked, "What do you mean…"

"She's hungover. There was a note on her door. And I quote, _'If I see or hear anything about you two in the next six hours, I'll kill you both myself.'_ "

"Are you kidding me," Sakura exclaimed, "Does she know how hungover I am?"

"This is going to be a very quick spar," Kakashi commented.

"Shut up… Fine, at least let me get hydrated enough before we start."

"Training ground three. Ten minutes."

And with that he vanished.

...

It was warm and lovely, the quintessential perfect day. A gentle breeze carried its way through the network of branches and foliage in the forest. The sunlight above the canopy shined strongly and created chaotic patterns on the forest floor. The cleared area of training ground three was unkempt and littered with craters, scorch marks, and debris. However, the critters that scurried and chatted throughout the area did not seem to mind. They also didn't mind the arrival of two seemingly _harmless_ humans.

_Harmless._ They were sorely mistaken.

Sakura walked toward the middle of the field chugging her third bottle of water. Her eyes wandered to the slouched form of Kakashi who was giggling disturbingly to himself. Rolling her eyes, she continued to gulp down the sweet nectar of life. Finishing her drink, she noticed her partner was really enraptured with his reading material. With a sly grin, she tossed her bottle at his head in order to summon his attention. As the plastic container thumped on his head seemingly without his notice, Sakura groaned in frustration. She was training with an idiot.

Suddenly, she heard a book snap close.

"Rules."

With a raised brow, "We can't go all out?"

"You _know_ we can't go all out. And I don't want to go all out. I'm too old and delicate for you to be pummeling me."

Scoffing, "Don't be ridiculous. You're significantly more powerful than when you first took on Team 7. Plus you don't have a foreign organ constantly burning through your chakra."

"Now flattery won't stop me from kicking your ass," he jauntily said with an eye crinkle.

Rolling her eyes, "You mentioned rules?"

"Scale back your strength to thirty percent and I'll only use B-rank ninjutsu or lower."

Pouting, "But that's no fun."

Giving her a pointed look, "This is a spar. And I hate hospitals. And pouting isn't attractive."

She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Fine. How about we just stick strictly to taijutsu today?" she said with an odd, secretive smile on her face.

"Eh, sure," Kakashi shrugged, unaware of what he was getting into, "But again, scale back your monstrous strength to thirty percent."

He failed to realize that he had not seen Sakura fight in more than a year and therefore, had an outdated grasp on her capabilities. He also failed to realize the motive behind her suggestion to only use taijutsu. Unknown to him, Sakura had become a bit of a specialist. Due to her comparatively lower chakra reserves than her teammates, it was impractical to waste chakra on flashy ninjutsu or creating genjutsu, although she was still phenomenal in dispelling them. In battle, her primary role was of support and healing. However, the most obvious tactic when ambushing a team was to kill the medic as it decreased a team's survival rate by 73%. That's where her insane strength and taijutsu prowess came in.

Taking her lightly, Kakashi secured his favorite novel and eased into a casual position. Sakura tied up her hair in a high ponytail with the ends still grazing well below her shoulders.

"All right…" he said lazily, "start."

Sakura vanished.

Then she was on top of Kakashi with an overwhelming flurry of blows and kicks to his face. She ruthlessly went at him. A particularly mean right hook whizzed by Kakashi's head. The immense force and speed behind the punch was felt. As he dodged and weaved from her reach, he found himself having to deflect an increasing amount of hits. She was steadily gaining momentum in this battle. Completely baffled at her absurd agility, he jumped away from her and perched on a tree branch. He had underestimated her.

Giving her an odd look, "Interesting," he called out.

Sakura looked above and saw him crouching down with a weary expression on his face.

"You thought I would just sit around and do nothing during my suspension?" she chided, "I was bored to tears with my free time."

"I take it you have been training with Lee?"

"Yeah, but he always went easy on me. So I bullshitted Gai-sensei with nonsense about _my burning springtime youth_ to train me. I think I added some sob story about how I wanted to make you, _his eternal rival,_ proud."

"Are you insane? And what— _Gai-sensei?_ "

"Duh. He's teaching me. What, jealous? You haven't been my teacher in years. Actually, the only two things you did teach me was how to walk up a tree and that you _suck_ at teaching," she said in a teasing tone.

He shot her a not amused look, "All right, starting now I'll be serious with you."

Crouching down into a defensive position, Sakura goaded with a smirk, _"Bring it."_

...

They had been sparring for over two hours. Occasionally one would cause the other to momentarily retreat to compose themselves and strategize. At times Kakashi struggled to adapt to her onslaught. He was familiar with certain styles she used as he had sparred (mostly unwillingly) numerous times with Gai. That was not the issue. However, when she improvised into a style all her own, he found himself repeatedly on his toes – and mesmerized. It was raw, overwhelmingly powerful, yet agile and ridiculously swift. Her speed was simply startling.

That didn't mean he didn't keep her on her toes as well.

Sakura barely managed to evade an unexpected fire dragon careening toward her. As her shirt caught fire, she quickly began to pat out the small flames while she yelled over her shoulder, "You goddamn liar! You agreed to strictly taijutsu!"

Looking at the absolute devastation around him, he inwardly snorted. The first blow he managed to dodge cleared a significant portion of the edge of the forest. "And you agreed to keep it at thirty percent Sakura-chan!" his voice echoed back.

"I have been! Aww my shirt…"

Kakashi's eye widened. _Well shit._

"And I may still be mediocre with ninjutsu outside of medical ninjutsu, but I'm pretty sure that was an A-rank jutsu!"

He instantly decided to change his approach. As she continued her attacks, he remained on the defensive. Kakashi knew he had fractured ribs and his left femur wasn't feeling too hot. It was not as if Sakura fared better. He managed to almost shatter her collarbone and ended up giving her an incriminating looking black eye. He hoped that she ended up healing that before they returned to town. Panting heavily, he was momentarily distracted as he saw her shirt ride up. A drop of sweat slid down to her navel and her creamy skin glistened in the light.

Sakura landed a powerful high kick to where he was just seconds before. Kakashi shook his head. She was definitely going to kill him if he didn't get his shit together. Naturally, he escaped upward and from above he saw the radius of devastation around her. In an instant she was on him and Kakashi realized he was in serious jeopardy. With a smug smirk, Sakura realized she had him. She wouldn't show mercy, especially to an underestimating smartass like him.

As they met mid-air, he did something she was completely unprepared for. Kakashi quickly used her own body as a pivoting tool mid-air to launch himself away from her. During his execution, she let out a loud snarl as she desperately chased after his form. Her sole index finger managed to reach the collar of his vest. That was all she needed as she channeled her strength into pulling him back toward her. She secured a lethal hold on him and threw his body over her shoulders toward the ground below with brutal speed. There was a lengthy ripping sound as his vest was almost torn from his body due to the sheer force.

As they was hurtling toward the ground, Kakashi twisted his body around to place a distracting kick to her ribs. Sakura deflected it with her forearm when she felt a hard pull of her hair. Dragging her down with him, he maneuvered her body quickly under his and slammed her into the ground. The force of the blow knocked the wind out of her body. Wheezing, she struggled under the weight of him on her. Kakashi panted heavily on top of her, taking advantage of her disorientation to settle himself down. This spar had unexpectedly turned into a competitive game of who would yield first. Sakura gasped for air as she felt him flicker off her and go into hiding.

Shakily standing herself up, she screamed, "Are you kidding me? Did you SERIOUSLY just pull me by my hair?"

A teasing voice echoed around her, "It's called being resourceful Sakura-chan! Although pretty, your hair is getting too long anyway."

Growling, she proceeded to flick Kakashi off in the general direction of where she thought he was hiding.

Their exchanges became increasingly closer, more brutal, and intimate. Hands roamed everywhere trying to grab hold to one another long enough to land a destructive blow. Although Kakashi was at a distinct disadvantage when it came to brute strength, he was incredibly slippery and able to escape Sakura's almost inescapable holds. At this point, they were aggressively pinning each other down and then violently throwing each other off. Trees were splintered or shattered. Small critters had fled the area in terror shortly after they started. And all that could be heard was heavy breathing, groans, and punches being exchanged.

Sakura found herself straddling his upper torso with one of her hands at his neck and her other pinning his right hand. Her right leg had flexibly pinned his left hand above his head. _She finally had him._

"Yield!" she demanded.

Panting heavily, Kakashi drew in a deep breath, "I…"

He expertly broke her hold and viciously tackled her into the ground, _"don't think so."_

She was done. However, she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of verbalizing her exhaustion. Groaning in protest and fatigued, she allowed Kakashi to continue pinning her. It was kind of pleasant. He smelled remarkably nice for a man drenched in sweat. There was even a sensual undertone to it. Plus, the weight of his body was reassuring and stimulated deep, inner desires her body craved. She mentally berated herself; she was acting like a thirsty hussy around him.

Kakashi knew he had her. However, her exposed skin, half-lidded eyes, and flighty breaths made him feel as if she had him instead. He hadn't been this aroused —no, not that way— from a fight in a while. Her style of fighting was a breath of fresh air, exhilarating. It was fun and competitive and attractive. Wait, no, not attractive. He was acting like an infatuated schoolboy, enamored with a new toy. Their eyes met. Both of their expressions were unreadable. Their faces were in close proximity and they could feel each other's deep breaths. It was a perfect, passionate moment between two people.

Yet this seemingly perfect, passionate moment was interrupted by the intense projection of vomit that exuded from Sakura's mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please consider leaving a review. Have a nice day!


	3. Chapter 3

Sakura was mortified as Kakashi carried her.

He had not said a word or given a visible reaction to what had transpired. After she came to her senses, he wordlessly threw her over his shoulder and proceeded back toward her home. She desperately wanted to scream out her apologies, but her head was spinning nauseatingly fast and she dreaded that if she opened her mouth more bile might emerge. 

It was an interesting sight to say in the least. The legendary copy-nin and platoon leader of specialized shinobi comprised of thousands of allied forces reduced to carrying a hung over, vibrantly pink haired woman. Both were visibly tattered with half of Sakura's shirt incinerated and Kakashi's vest barely clinging to his form. It was viciously torn by the ferocity of his sparring partner's grip.

Kakashi would be honest. He was _not_ amused. Well, he _was_ amused, however he wished his amusement wasn't derived from his own expense. The fury that was attacking him with such lethality before was now remarkably frail in his hold. He made sure his firm grip remained fixated on the back of her upper thigh. There was no doubt in his mind that Sakura had just enough left in her to give him a concussion if he touched her ass, despite his honest intentions. Maybe he should be carrying her in a gentler manner such piggyback or bridal-style, but he wanted to torture her a bit in retribution. He pointedly ignored the startled glances people shot his way as he strolled down the main road.

"Well," he started after a lengthy silence, "At least you only puked straight sake on me."

There was an anguished moan in response.

"I suppose I should be grateful?" he prodded, "I didn't even know it was possible to still have that much alcohol in your system."

Another moan.

"You owe me a new vest."

He felt a gentle hit on his back.

"Hey, I really liked my vest. It had a special, customized inner pocket for _Icha Icha_."

He felt a pitiful elbow to the back of his head.

"It's the least you could do. Plus, I'm being such a gentleman carrying your sorry ass home."

Sakura made an inhumane noise.

Kakashi sighed. This is what he gets for waking up early for once, postponing his visit to the memorial stone, and trying to be a _nice person._ Although he couldn't say today's excursion was entirely for naught. He received an accurate gauge on Sakura's abilities and now had exceptional leverage on her. 

Regarding her abilities, he admitted he was impressed. He had wrongly assumed she would have neglected her training during her suspension. Also, that she wouldn't focus on improving the former deficits in her abilities. It was rather frightening. Her new agility and techniques coupled with her ridiculous strength made her a short-range offensive nightmare.

Apparently that sucker punch to Sasuke wasn't from pure luck, unlike what the gossip suggested.

"KAKA— KAKASHI-SENSEI!?" a voice interrupted his thoughts, "YOU'RE BACK? EH? WHAT DID YOU DO TO SAKURA-CHAN!?"

Good lord that boy was loud.

Distracted by his inner musings, Kakashi neglected to be aware that he had walked by Ramen Ichiraku. Of course, Naruto would be there dinning on seven bowls of ramen for breakfast. What caught his eye, however, was that Sasuke had accompanied the blonde, obnoxiously loud savior of the world.

Rapidly pivoting to face his former students and receiving a groan from the women on his back in protest, "Yo Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke was giving him a peculiar look. Though the boy hadn't cheated on _him_ personally, Kakashi felt a slight simmering feeling of contempt. Regardless, he gave his customary eye crinkle to the both of them.

Naruto was instantly at his back poking the ill, ticking time bomb Kakashi was carrying.

"Neh, neh, Sakura-chan! I haven't seen you in months! What did the pervert do to you? Do you want me to beat him up?"

Kakashi took offense. He was not _–totally was—_ a pervert and he could still give Naruto a run for his money _thank you very much._

"Are you all right? You look really sick? Do you need a doctor? I mean you are a doctor but can doctor's treat themselves or does a doctor have to go to a doctor if—"

"Dobe," a frosty voice interjected, "You're being stupid."

Pointing a finger, Naruto howled, "Shut up teme!"

Kakashi sighed.

"Make me."

"Maybe I will, you stupid bastard!"

"As if you could."

"OH YEAH? I'll kick your ass again like I did at the Valley of the End teme!" Naruto yelled.

_"Dobe…"_

"Teme! TEME TEME TEME—"

"BAKA NARUTO SHUT UP BEFORE I KICK _YOUR_ ASS! YOU'RE SO LOUD," a thunderous roar erupted from Kakashi's back.

Ah, she seemed to be doing much better.

Kakashi gently set the irate female down, steadied her, and then hastily stepped back a couple of feet. Sakura looked ragged and haggard. Her hand covered her eyes as she attempted to adjust to the bright morning. Lightly swaying, she took a moment to compose herself. Inhaling deeply, she realized she was standing in front of not only her best friend, but also her son-of-a-bitch ex-boyfriend. The abysmal day got exponentially worse.

Turning to Naruto and giving Sasuke a searing glare, "Hi. Kakashi and I were sparring. I'm fine, just hungover. I've been busy the past few months," she answered, _"And I hate you,"_ she added menacingly as she pointed to Sasuke.

Sasuke avoided meeting her eyes.

"Huh? Sparring? Why does Kakashi-sensei look so beat up?"

"Well I don't look that bad—"

"What," she snapped, "You don't think I can hold my own against him?"

"No— No— No of course not Sakura-chan…" he stuttered as he cowered behind Kakashi.

Popping back out from behind his mentor, "Wait… YOU HAVE A BLACK EYE?"

Kakashi was taken off guard by the glare Naruto directed at him.

"Oh give him a break. It was a lucky punch anyway," Sakura said, lightly punching the irate blonde in the arm.

Kakashi gave her a withering look.

" _She_ gave you that much trouble?" a condescending voice asked.

Kakashi gave Sasuke a blank stare, "Didn't _she_ knock you out?"

"Oh yeah! Hey Sakura-chan… Shouldn't you apologize to teme about that? Apparently getting knocked out is _super duper_ bad for you according to baa-chan," Naruto pondered, clueless of the possible ramifications.

Kakashi took that as his cue to physically intervene and end the reunion.

Since Sakura was still ill, she was severely unbalanced. It was easy to quickly prohibit the woman from committing murder. As he had her in a tight hold and muffling the spew of expletives from her mouth, "Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun, we really should be going. We were summoned by Tsunade-sama."

He felt the female struggle violently against his hold when she abruptly stopped to throw him a murderous glare. _"You're still suspended,"_ he whispered lowly to her. It seemed to calm her fractionally down.

"Eh really? Do we need to come? Does she have a mission for us?"

"Nope, just us two," Kakashi cheerfully said, "Now say good-bye to your teammates like a good girl Sakura-chan."

His entire body was violently rocked back and forth as she attempted to claw out of his hold.

"Well," turning to the other two, "Ja ne!"

Sasuke and Naruto were left standing alone with a puff of smoke.

...

Sakura found herself dumped on the floor of her apartment. The abrupt weight of her body on her hard wood floor prompted a few fractured tiles in her kitchen to give way with a loud shatter. Her ass was most certainly bruised now.

She looked up with a scowl, "Asshole."

Kakashi's figure towered above her and he gave her an amused look, "You should be thanking me."

"For what?" she snapped.

"If you had attacked those two, _again_ might I add, you would have been demoted back to genin."

"It would have been worth it!"

Sighing, Kakashi crouched down to level with the disheveled kunoichi on the floor, "You're too young to be so bitter Sakura."

Turning her head away from his gaze, "I've earned it. Eighteen is the new thirty."

"One, you're technically not eighteen yet. And two, then what does thirty-two make me?"

_"Old."_

Giving her a deadpanned look, "At least I can hold my alcohol well. And you know, not puke on my superiors."

Throwing her face into her hands, Sakura groaned loudly, "I'm so, so, so sorry Kakashi."

"It's okay."

Looking up hopefully, "Really?"

"No, but it will be after you've thoroughly repaid me."

"Pervert!" she screeched as she slapped his arm.

Disgruntled, "Don't be ridiculous Sakura-chan. And that really hurts you know."

Giving him a wryly grin, "Aww don't be such a baby."

Ruffling her hair, "I will once _you_ stop acting like one."

Sakura growled.

Kakashi proceeded to stand up. He lazily stretched his arms above his form before exhaling deeply. Offering his hand, "Come on, we both need to get presentable for Tsunade-sama."

She took his hand and was hoisted up, "Do you want me to heal you?"

Kakashi shook his head, "I'll manage. We don't want to be late."

"Pfft, as if you have never been late before."

"That may be true, but that was before Tsunade-sama promised disembowelment," he said before disappearing in front of her.

...

She stood in front of Tsunade, fresh faced from a scalding shower and intense scrubbing. Despite her best intentions she was sure she still reeked of liquor. To her left, Kakashi lazily stood, however he opted out from reading _Icha Icha._ Sakura inwardly scoffed. Apparently old dogs can learn. It was eerily quiet within the office except for the rhythmic sound of a pen being tapped. This went on for a few minutes before the pen was lethally thrown between the two of their heads.

"You are both a pain in my ass," Tsunade began slowly, "It is almost as if the both of you conspired together to make my life especially difficult."

Neither said a word.

"What, the dynamic duo is mute now?"

"I don't know what you're talking about Hokage-sama, I only just arrived back to the village."

"You have repeatedly done stupid shit ever since you have returned to solo duty and have been actively avoiding assuming responsibilities to transition as my successor _you little shit._ Iwa! Snow! Mist! And what was that incident on a luxury cruise liner?"

Sakura threw him an incredulous look.

"I wasn't aware the hull of the ship wasn't raikiri proof."

Sakura attempted to stifle a laugh.

Tsunade abruptly turned her wrath to her beloved pupil, " _Do not_ think I have forgotten about your little stunt Sakura!"

"Yes shishou," she replied with a wince.

"We did not need the extra million-dollar renovation cost on top of rebuilding a village post-world war!"

It was Kakashi's turn to give her an incredulous look.

"The only reason I haven't permanently suspended the both of you is because you all are surprisingly, _somewhat_ talented and _somewhat_ useful to this village. Also technically you're supposed to be doing my job Hatake!"

"Thank you for the compliment."

"It wasn't one!" Tsunade bellowed, "Also… Sakura, you have an assignment."

Sakura stood a little straighter, "What does the mission entail?"

"As you are aware, during the war, a significant population of an already minuscule number of medic-nin across all the villages perished. Essentially, every other major village with the exception of ours is in dire need of medical expertise."

"I'm assuming you need me to train people."

"More than that, you are to go on a year-long mission traveling to the other four villages as a medical consultant. Training, standardization of protocols and patient care, establishing supply chains - whatever they need, you must provide. You can do the math as to how long you'll be staying in each area, travel time not included."

"Are you kidding me?" Sakura exclaimed. This was bullshit.

"Do not give me sass! This village can't take another one of your little temper tantrums! You'll be saving lives and strengthening our post-war alliance with all the major villages, it's an honor!"

"All I did was beat two people up! Plus those two people contributed to majority of the damages! And no one knows or cares who I am, send Naruto if you want to garner good will among the villages!"

"Sakura, actions have consequences! Don't think for a second that I don't have something in mind for the other two brats either! And don't sell yourself short, your name was specifically requested during the recent Kage Summit."

"Am I excused now?" a voiced piped up.

"Shut up Hatake and sit tight I will get to you soon enough."

Sakura huffed aloud and crossed her arms, "Why is he even still here? Please don't tell me he is my protection detail."

Kakashi looked genuinely offended by that statement.

"Are you kidding me? As if I need four villages to declare war on us with the two of you stirring shit up. You'd love that Hatake, wouldn't you? You'd be completely out of the running as my successor you sneaky shit. No, this is the most convenient way for me to yell at the both of you. _And I have only begun."_

Both reprimanded ninjas collectively sighed. This would be a long one.

...

A few hours later, Sakura was drunkenly recounting what had transpired to a half-listening Kenpachi. Maybe she did have an alcohol problem. But really it was a Sasuke problem. She only really started drinking aggressively since her life was upheaved by the last Uchiha. Her long, pink hair was currently bunched into her grasp as she loudly groaned.

An entire year abroad did not interest her, however as she continued to think through it, she realized it was probably for the best. In all honesty she was a shit show. Her social life was in shambles, she was professionally blacklisted, and do not even get her started on her love life. The only person who would be affected by her departure was Naruto, however he had _fuckface_ Sasuke and a budding relationship with Hinata to humor him. Oh, and Kakashi might be bummed out he couldn't get free meals out of her for a year.

In that moment, Sakura decided to do a favor to everyone, especially herself, by embracing the opportunity.

"Another one!"

Kenpachi threw her a pointed look, "Ya know, I'm beginnin' to think ya have a problem."

Rolling her eyes, "You need me to keep you in business."

"Yeah, 'cuz your crazy ass scares away all my other business."

"Another, another!"

He shuffled over to his obnoxious patron to pour her another shot, "What's with tha sudden happy fuckin' disposition?"

"I am celebrating!" she exclaimed before taking it to the face.

"Finally got laid?"

Sakura violently choked on her sake. Coughing and heaving unattractively, "W-what?"

"That's gotta be it. Bat shit crazy usually means, how do ya put this polite like… frustrated?"

_"I am not sexually frustrated you old hack."_

"Coulda fooled me. Pardon the crass, next shot on me."

Grumbling, "Fine… But I've actually been assigned a mission to the four other great villages. They need help with their medical programs."

Kenpachi gave her a feral grin, "You travelin' to Mist?"

Giving her friend a peculiar look, "Yes?"

There was an unusually wistful look in his pale blue eyes, "Great country. Lotta fun times."

"You know, you've never told me much about your past."

"That's 'cuz I'd be extradited and executed."

Eyes glimmering with excitement, "Really? Come on, give me one story."

Shaking his head, "Maybe. When do you leave?"

"In a week's time. I have a lot of preparation to do."

"How 'bout this, last night here I'll tell ya story as a good-bye present."

Pausing for a second, "Deal. Now I'm drunk and would very much like to continue to be drunk, so another one please!"

Kenpachi could only let out a hoarse chuckle.

As he hurried away to retrieve the next victim for the night, Sakura suddenly felt an overwhelming presence behind her. Instantly sobering up, she knew exactly who was behind her and her blood began to boil.

When she turned around, Sakura saw dark eyes staring deeply at her.

"We need to talk, Sakura."

This was the _last_ thing she needed.

"Sasuke."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please consider leaving a review. Have a nice day!


	4. Chapter 4

They stood several feet apart out of caution from both sides.

Sakura was worried that her ego could not handle another beating and Sasuke was not keen on getting knocked out again. Despite what he told Naruto, her ability to land a blow to his face was not out of luck but ability. He had consistently underestimated her ever since they were children. During the time of his departure and the war, Sakura had vastly improved and it was unsettling. He thought he had her figured out as another mediocre ninja with few talents. But he was wrong.

The glare she fixated on the floor was intense. She internally berated herself for agreeing to speak with him outside. Alone. This would have been the perfect opportunity to murder the last Uchiha, however she would instantly be considered as suspect number one. Quickly dismissing the thought, she prepared herself with whatever he could say to her. Would he aggressively insult her immaturity? Or maybe verbalize how he never loved her? Although that was perfectly obvious, it did not mean she wanted to hear it aloud. Steadying her breath, she finally gathered the courage to look into his eyes and found them remarkably approachable.

"What do you want?" she asked not unkindly.

There was a brief pause and Sakura was put off by the fact that Sasuke appeared to be struggling with words.

"I know things have been difficult," he started.

"No shit." 

Throwing her a look, she gave him a nod to continue.

"There is a reason why I did what I did. I need you to understand this before you leave."

Sakura immediately tensed. This was not how she expected this conversation to steer. 

"I know you've been in love with me ever since we were children. But you had to have known I could never love you back. Not in the way that you wanted."

There were those words _'had to have known'._ Sakura began to bristle.

"Are you fucking kidding me," she began lowly, "I am _so, so sorry_ for actually giving a _shit_ about you and you can go to _hell_ for leading _me_ on. Why did you even agree to be with me in the first place? Did you decide to play a sick joke on me because I was the only one still hopeful of whatever _humanity_ you had left?"

For the first time, Sakura saw how tired her ex-teammate was.

Sasuke gave a low sigh and looked up. It was dusk and the sky bled an assortment of warm, vibrant colors as darkness began to seep in. Looking back to her, "I did it for you."

Oh _hell no._ Suspension be damned, she was going to kill him.

Instantly detecting her killing intent, Sasuke reacted by closing the considerable space between them and locking her wrists in front of them. Sakura gave him an incredulous look and opened her mouth to voice her disgruntlement.

"Sakura, I wasn't finished."

She paused.

"You needed to experience why _we would never work._ But for months you ignored how poorly I treated you, even though I was trying my best to treat you well. Whenever I attempted to bring this up, you'd acquiesce, blow past the conversation, and promise to do better. But it was never about you. Fundamentally you deserve better. You can't keep holding on to me."

"Are you intoxicated right now? Because I am and I must have passed out at the bar because this isn't real. _You_ are not Sasuke."

He gave her another look and she shut her mouth as he continued.

"I am not going to apologize for what I did because it was what you needed. You've always had this idealization about me that I am someone to be redeemed and saved. But I'm not. You loved the idea of me, of us, rather than the reality. You love me, but you’re not _in love_ with _me._ ”

Their breaths were heavy, warm, and painfully close. Sakura realized that for the first time in a long time she was in such close proximity to the man she had loved for years. She expected her body and heart to yearn for this, but she felt surprisingly empty. This was also the first time they've ever exchanged such lengthy and honest words. She attempted to blink away the tears that were forming but they gradually ran down her rosy cheeks.

Noticing Sasuke eyeing them, "Don't be flattered. Alcohol is a depressant."

He let go of her wrists and she quickly began wiping the nonsense off her face.

"You couldn't have told me this before we got together? Or done something other than fuck a woman in my kitchen."

For the first time in a while, she saw a genuine smirk form, "No, you are more stubborn than _dobe_ sometimes… And I was desperate to get my point across."

Giving a humorless laugh, Sakura punched his bicep, "You are such a fucking asshole."

"I'm glad you realize this Sakura," he said dryly, but with sincerity.

They stood together in a comfortable silence. Still incredibly close together, an unknowing observer may have suspected they were long time lovers enjoying the night. But this was not their love story. However, for the first time in years, they were on the same page. Sakura was still incredibly hurt and angry with Sasuke, but she could not fault him on his reasoning – just methods. She did not know what their relationship would be now, and she realized they never had a relationship to begin with. A relationship had two equal partners. He had always consumed every aspect of her life. 

"Yo fucking peach, don't think you can skip tha bill ‘cuz you skipping town. I'll carve your skin off!" a very loud and gruff voice yelled from afar.

Startled out of the silence, both Sakura and Sasuke looked back at each other.

"We should get Ichiraku together, all of us, before I leave."

It was a peace offering and a tentative promise of friendship.

All Sasuke did was give a gentle nod.

"You should go. I need to pay my tab and get home."

He gave another nod before turning and walking away.

"Hey Sasuke-kun!"

He stopped and turned.

"You owe me a remodeling of my goddamn kitchen! I know you’re rich! I want granite and top-of-the-line stainless-steel appliances!"

Sasuke gave her what _may_ have been a small smile.

"Hn," he said before flickering away.

....

As Sakura scoured her pockets for the cash to pay off her bill, Kenpachi kept giving her weird looks.

Aggravated by his unwanted scrutiny, she gave him a growl. He kept staring at her keenly while rubbing a glass that appeared to actually get dirtier by the second. His eyes were piercing into her and his brows were furrowed in thought. The deep scars and wrinkles that were etched into his face seemed more prominent. His teeth, that reminded her of the deceased-Kisame, were being clucked together. She continued to place a steady stream of bills while berating herself for having such a large tab.

"What's with the look?"

"Who was that?"

"No one," she said too quickly.

There was a contemplative look on his face.

"Nah, I know a pussy-footing dipshit when I see one."

Giving a huff, "Ex-boyfriend, ex-teammate, long story."

"You dated an Uchiha."

As she kept fumbling around and counting the bills, "How do you know if he is an Uchiha or not?"

"Peach, I can smell their thinkin'-they-hot-shit, cocky asses miles away."

"How do you know of them?"

"Fought plenty of ‘em – a real pain in the ass. I hate shinobi with bloodline limits."

Sakura stopped her calculations and looked at him intently, "Care to explain?"

Setting the glass on the counter, he leaned over and supported his face with his right hand. She instantly was drawn to the variety of scars that peppered his forearm and hand.

"That can be the story for when you leave."

"Oh come on you selfish bastard, you're cleaning out my wallet here!"

"That be ya own damn doing brat."

She gave him an unhappy look.

"Goddamn it. Fine. It was years ago. I was in Lightening doin' some… _vacationin'_ and ran into a Konoha squad with a fast as fuck Uchiha. His body flickers were no joke. We had a misunderstandin'. Prick was annoyin' and got real annoyin' after his team got all… _decommissioned._ But I know how ya Konoha bitches work with leavin' no member behind, so he had to retreat. Son of a bitch gave me good enough trouble."

"Holy shit Kenpachi!"

"Now, now, no need to get your panties in a twist."

Smacking his arm, "Idiot! You could have died!"

"Peach, Uchiha ain't nothin' but some overly confident dipshits that relied too much on their eyes. Kinda funny when they gets their eyes gouged out. They're useless."

"Wow."

"Now ya know a fraction of shit that can get me executed. I like ya bunches, but I'll kill you if you bring tha brat Tsunade into this. Different time, different sides."

Sakura could only nod.

"You could teach me some things," she stated, not asked.

Giving her an amused look, "I could, but I got a bad back and tha last time I took on a brat he tried to kill me."

Laughing, "Then you'll _love_ having me as a student."

Pausing a brief moment, "What tha hell. I can teach you a trick or two. Just don't fuckin’ cry like a bitch when you get your ass handed to ya."

Sakura could only grin.

...

It was too early in the morning for someone to be tapping on her balcony window.

Sakura tossed over and clung to her down comforter as if her life depended on it. She was slightly hung over and was determined to sleep it off. Her hair was splayed all over her bed and she knew there would be giant balls of tangles. There was no need for anyone to be visiting her this morning because she was still suspended and therefore was not on call or on the active mission roster. As she attempted to will herself back to slumber, the tapping increased and became progressively louder. She swore aloud.

As she lifted herself up from her delightfully cozy and warm bed, she stumbled down her dark hallway into her tiny living room. Vaguely aware she was only wearing a slightly oversized shirt, she figured, decency be damned. Whoever was bothering her would not have the time to register her attire after she was done punching them in the face – without chakra of course. She could not afford another renovation cost. She abruptly tore open her curtains and flung the glass window double doors open as bright light flooded in.

"What in the HELL do you want?"

Sakura was briefly blinded by the sunlight and her hands immediately flung to cover her eyes. "Ah it's bright."

"Good morning Sakura-chan!" a cheery, baritone voice greeted her.

Oh no, it could not be.

"I have a task for you as part of your repayment."

She abruptly slammed the balcony doors shut and preceded back to bed. She was in no mood to entertain. Her window doors flew open behind her and her uninvited guest entered her living room. Not bothering to humor him, she quickly entered her bedroom and flopped on her bed. Flinging the covers over her head, she hoped if she played possum, he would take the hint and leave. Luck was not on her side as she felt his presence hover over her.

"You are obviously awake."

She would not dignify that statement with a response.

"I'm being polite enough by giving you a chance. If you don't get out of bed, I'll make you."

Sakura inwardly scoffed. As she heard his footsteps walk away from her, she grew suspicious. There was no way it was that easy to be rid of him. Just as she was about to peek out from under her covers, she felt his presence again. Then an onslaught of frigid water.

She flew up gasping for breath as the liquid saturated her hair, shirt, and covers.

"KAKASHI," she screamed in shock while flailing her arms.

Kakashi gave her an amused look and tried to avoid the _very_ appealing sight of how her garment clung to her chest. The bright yellow mop bucket was empty in his hands and he congratulated himself for locating it. It proved very useful.

"Told you."

"I'm going to murder you!"

Narrowly dodging a kunai being flung at his head, he heard it imbed into the wall behind him.

"Calm down. Get dressed, I need your help," Kakashi said casually as he left the room.

Perplexed and irritated, she flung her damp covers off of her body and slammed her bedroom door shut. She emerged minutes later in her standard all black. Raking her fingers in her long tresses, she whipped her hair into a high ponytail. Glaring at the man leisurely reading his beloved book on her favorite armchair, she cleared her throat to draw his attention. He pointedly ignored her as he turned to another page.

"Tell me what do you want otherwise I'm going back to bed."

"I didn't think you enjoyed having water poured on you."

"Yeah, thanks for that, ass."

Snapping his book shut, he looked up at her, "Let's go. We have people waiting."

He got up and jumped out of her window.

"Wait, what? What people?" she called after him as she followed suit.

...

Melodic laughter rang loudly throughout the training field. A young woman rolled around the floor clutching her abdomen in a hopeless attempt to calm herself down. The sheer hilarity of the situation further fueled her mirth. Kakashi gave the woman below him a half-hearted glare. He saw the irony and humor of this situation, but that didn't mean she should obtain such enjoyment out of his misery. He could not help but concentrate on the pure happiness that adorned her features as she continued to roll around. He mentally berated himself. Sakura was pretty with a pretty laugh. That was it.

"Are you quite done?"

Her answer was continued laughter.

"'Scuse me Kaka-sensei…" a timid voice started.

Sighing aloud, "Yes Usagi-chan?"

"Is she your… your girlfriend?"

"She's pretty!" a strong voice chimed in.

"Yeah! Think she'll teach me awesome jutsu?" a third rambunctious voice joined the conversation.

"No baka!"

"Tatsuki-chan! Stop being mean to Hiro-kun!"

"He's an idiot!"

"Am not!"

"Are too you snot nose!"

The conversation was interjected by Sakura's continued laughter as she slowly hoisted herself up from the ground. Dusting herself off she turned to Kakashi with a dazzling smile.

"Oh my they are _so_ cute! _Tiny humans!"_

_"Sure."_

"I can't believe she actually assigned you another team. A very young one as well!"

"We're not young Kaka-sensei's girlfriend! We're six!"

"Oh, he's not my boyfriend."

"See? Told you! She's too pretty for him."

Kakashi hated his life.

"I'm… I'm sure Kaka-sensei is pretty too."

He _really hated his life._

"Oh yes Usagi-chan, he's very, very pretty," Sakura said with a sly smile and gentle nudge to his side, "That's why he always wears his mask. People often mistake him for a girl!"

"Oooh," the three youngsters said in unison. Hiro gave Kakashi a _'That's rough buddy'_ sympathethic glance.

Throwing Sakura a threatening look, "Play time is over. And no, they're not my new team, _thankfully."_

"Hey!" Tatsuki said in protest.

"They're not? Why the babysitting gig?"

"These three are particularly gifted yet appear to be too much to handle for most instructors. I have to look after them as Tsunade-sama searches for a proper genin instructor."

Sakura let out a low whistle, "All three already graduated from the academy? What are they, geniuses?"

"Kind of. Their maturity is obviously lacking and they're mouthy brats, but their skills are there. I blame the lack of constant warfare on how soft and… childlike they are."

"Kakashi… they're _children_. Of course they're _childlike,_ idiot. So why am I here?"

This was his turn to gain amusement at her expense, "You're going to help me."

The _hell_ she was.

"What?" she squawked, "Why me?"

"You're a woman. There must be some semblance of a maternal instinct in you," he said with a shrug.

"Yay! The pretty sensei stays!"

"Absolutely not! I have too much to prepare for. You know how much goes into a year-long mission," she protested.

"Oh really? Hear that brats? She hates you," he said all too smoothly.

She looked down to find three adorable yet hurt looks. _Shit._

"Do you not like us pretty-sensei?"

Usagi looked on the verge of tears.

"N-no! I love you three! Of course, I'll stay!"

Sakura punched Kakashi's arm with as much force possible while avoiding the use of chakra. He grimaced out of pain, but it was absolutely worth it. A loud chorus of cheers erupted as she found herself being dragged away by three cute tiny humans. Each were vying for her attention and fighting amongst themselves for the last word. Sakura turned around to mouth _'I hate you'_ to Kakashi.

He merely gave her an eye crinkle as he slowly followed behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please consider leaving a review. Have a nice day!


	5. Chapter 5

"Please don't leave!"

The whines tugged her heartstrings.

"Can you be our peppermint sensei?"

"Permanent, Hiro-kun, you meant permanent," she gently corrected.

"Kaka-sensei is _boring._ Can't he go on your mission and you stay?"

"Tatsuki-chan that's not nice! Kaka-sensei is not _that_ boring!"

Sakura laughed. Usagi always came to Kakashi's defense and he visibly appreciated it, gently patting the child's head out of gratitude. Currently the medic had two youngsters leeched onto both of her legs while the third one struggled to find enough space for her to latch on as well. Failing to find an opening, she opted to latch on to Kakashi instead.

"You hafta make her stay," Usagi all but demanded with a determined nod.

"Usagi-chan, Sakura-chan has important ninja business to do," he responded, slightly surprised by her conviction.

"Wow! Take me with you! I wanna fight bad guys!" Hiro enthusiastically yelled.

"She can't brat."

"Kakashi don't be rude!" Sakura admonished.

He was never good with small children. He tried again.

"Hiro-kun, if you want to be with Sakura-chan, you'll have to get stronger."

"Really?"

"As IF you big baby. Teach me Kaka-sensei! I want to be with Sakura-sensei."

"Shut up Tatsuki! Am not!"

The two obnoxious children of the group began to verbally throw insults while Sakura tried her best to separate them. Kakashi let out a long sigh. The day ended up being incredibly long and taxing. He suddenly felt a gentle tug on his pants. Usagi was shyly twisting about as she looked up to him with large brown eyes.

"Kaka-sensei," she began softly while motioning for him to come closer.

Deciding to humor the girl, he bent down to her level, "Yes, Usagi-chan?"

"Can you teach me instead? I want Sakura-sensei to like me," she whispered.

His eyes softened as he lightly ruffled her black hair, _"You got it,"_ he whispered back. They both shared a secret nod of agreement.

"CHOKE ON A KUNAI YOU SNOT NOSE!" a childish voice erupted.

"Ka— Kakashi! Get your lazy ass over here they're trying to kill each other!"

"YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS CUZ YOU'RE A FAT COW."

Kakashi sighed yet again. Yeah, Usagi was definitely his favorite.

...

After leaving the three prodigious, yet clingy six-year-olds back at the academy, Sakura and Kakashi fell into a slow pace back toward their respective homes. Both were on similar sides of town in the shinobi-housing district. The sun had almost set, and the streetlights flickered on one by one in a chorus of growing hums. The laughter of children and the calls of parents for them to return home filled the air. It was almost dinnertime and she realized she had nothing to eat today. She let out an audible groan as she also realized there was no more takeout stashed anyway in her apartment.

Kakashi walked in comfortable silence with her as he read his novel. He found that he kept spacing out. Slouching further, he acknowledged that he was exhausted. Keeping up with three kids and a young woman with the maturity of a child wasn't in his area of expertise. However, he had to give Sakura credit. She was amazingly patient and easy going with the brats. Unfortunately, that would work against him when she left. He'd actually have to interact with them and ensure they remained breathing. And didn't end up crying too much. Though he did actually like Usagi.

A sudden warning ran in his head. He could not exactly pinpoint what his mind was screaming at him to remember. The words left his mouth unconsciously, "When are you leaving again?"

Sakura glanced over, "About six days from now."

He nodded. Six days. What was the date again? He never cared to remember except when on a mission in order to properly record his reports in chronological order. The month was March, that of which he was certain. What was so significant about March again? Was it a yearly physical that he always avoided? No, that was during the winter. He once hid in a pile of snow avoiding a horde of overeager medical interns under the diabolical direction of Sakura. 

Then it hit him. Panicked, he looked over to the woman beside him and realized she wasn't giving him any passive aggressive looks and huffs that suggested he missed something important. Her face was genuinely contemplative and peaceful. It was unusual for her to have such a serene expression. Oddly, he preferred her face contorted in explosive anger. However, there was _no way_ she had forgotten her own birthday, right? Maybe this was a test. As much as he enjoyed her outbursts, he'd rather not have it directed at him. Attempting to save his ass, he extended a simple offer.

"Want to get dinner?"

Startled, "What?"

"Food," he stated slowly, "You haven't eaten all day, have you?"

"...You just want a free meal you cheapskate," she huffed.

"It's your birthday isn't it? It's partially my fault you haven't been able to celebrate at all today."

Waving off his remark, "Don't be an idiot, today is not my-"

Her hand went limp, "Oh." The past 48 hours _really_ flew by.

He sighed.

"Shut up Kakashi. It's hard to keep track of time when every day is the same!"

"Do you want food or not," he asked bluntly. Try to be nice and get called an idiot.

Narrowing her eyes, "You're paying?"

He was almost hesitant to reply, knowing he would most certainly regret it, "Sure."

The woman let out a loud whoop of excitement. Her long hair flung around with her erratic movements.

"I know exactly where to go! Come on I could eat more than Choji right now," she said as she pulled his arm in an unknown direction.

They passed stall after stall while taking sharp turns down narrow alleys. Kakashi thought that she might be leading him to his assassination, or more tragically, the assassination of his wallet. When she finally made an abrupt stop, he thanked whatever deity she didn't decide on some notoriously expensive restaurant. He could handle people attempting to take his life but would not stand a chance against a woman with command over his finances.

Scrutinizing the building, he raised an eyebrow. To be polite, the place was a dive. To be honest, the place looked on the verge of collapse and where you'd find cheap hookers.

"This?"

"Yes, this."

Sighing, he followed her in and was promptly seated with startling enthusiasm. Apparently, she was a regular considering how every waiter and even the manager greeted her as if she was a celebrity. The interior did not look too wretched and one could even call it cozy. Suddenly his nose twitched as a mouthwatering aroma filled his nostrils. Whatever the establishment was serving smelled divine. Maybe this excursion wasn't that poor of an idea.

A young male waiter made his way over to the two of them as he half-listened to what Sakura was chatting about. She was complimenting the specials and commenting how she always wanted to try this one foreign appetizer. The waiter had this particular look in his eyes that Kakashi immediately identified as infatuation. Internally groaning, he prepared for the lovesick fool to engage their table.

"HELLO SAKURA-SAN!" he nearly screamed as his voice broke.

Holy shit he was worse than Lee.

Kakashi made a point to ignore the waiter seeing how the waiter seemed to only have eyes for the woman across from him.

"Oh hello Shiro-kun," she responded with a beautiful smile. Her hand absentmindedly tucked a long strand of hair behind her ear and exposed her long, flawless neckline. Both Kakashi and the boy stared. The boy looked close to fainting as he blushed beet red.

"Wha-what would you like this evening?"

"Hmm, what would you recommend? You always have the best suggestions!"

The boy _giggled_ in response. Kakashi continued to feign ignorance to the conversation as he read his novel. The waiter wasn't merely love-struck, but practically worshipped Sakura. His body language said it all.

"Well the chef has a really good special tonight-"

"Ooh, we'll both have that!"

"W-we?"

She pointed to Kakashi, "Him as well."

The boy looked startled and then dejected, "Oh, of course."

Kakashi gave him a curt nod. _'Yes, I'm sitting right here, and yes, you are dismissed.'_

"Wait," they both turned to the girl, "What do you have on tap?"

Just as the boy was about to list a variety of local beers, a strong, baritone voice interrupted, "She'll be having _tap water_ , as will I." He sent the waiter a stern look.

"Hey!" Sakura exclaimed in protest.

The waiter furiously nodded his head before stumbling away.

Sighing, he snapped his book shut, "Just how often do you come here Sakura?"

"Only a couple times a week. They have the best food and always change up their menu. And what the hell, I thought it was your treat? Tap water?"

Giving her a meaningful look, "That poor love-struck boy would have never put our order in given he seemed determined to list every single beer they offer, which appears to be in the hundreds. Also, alcoholism is an unattractive trait. As is cursing."

Rolling her eyes, "Oh please, Shiro-kun is very nice and professional. And he's not love-struck. And I am not a fucking alcoholic!"

"Point proven."

She gave him a scornful glare.

"Please tell me you are not that dense Sakura. And ever since I have been back, I've either seen you intoxicated or hungover."

"I'm on _vacation!_ And he's just nice. I always leave him a good tip, that must be it."

"You're on _suspension._ And I'm more than certain he wants you to leave your number."

"Oh shut it."

"You know, for someone who was led on, you are a real heartbreaker."

Sakura threw a chopstick at his head, "I'm going to kill you," she hissed.

He only responded with an eye crinkle.

"Hey billboard-brow," a feminine voice hollered from the door.

Both Kakashi and Sakura turned their heads toward the source of the voice.

"Damn it," he heard her mumble.

A tall, voluptuous blonde made her way toward their table and he realized it was Yamanaka's daughter, Ino.

"What ya want piggy," Sakura snapped.

Rolling her eyes, "Forehead, it's your birthday. I've been looking everywhere for you. Your party starts in two hours."

"Huh?" the pink haired snorted.

Squealing in excitement, "I rented out the _hottest_ night club downtown! Everyone is going to be there! Have you stopped being an immature bitch yet?"

"Nope," Sakura retorted as she turned her head. She then heard a long screech of a chair being dragged to where she was sitting. Immediately she became fascinated with a tiny pamphlet of weekly coupons that was set on the table.

"Oh grow up Sakura."

Kakashi slowly backed away from the table and clutched his prized book tightly to his chest. He knew this dinner was a horrible idea.

"What," the pink haired woman hissed.

"You can't fault me for not telling you about Sasuke-kun cheating on you."

"As my best fucking friend, you're damn right I am faulting you!" Sakura bit back while waving a single chopstick threateningly in the air.

The blonde grabbed her friends flailing hand and set it down on the table, "It wasn't my place, and you know damn well you would have told me to fuck off. You'd probably throw someone through a wall if anyone else told you."

Sakura boiling blood suddenly simmered.

Blue eyes stared at her, "Don't try to bullshit _me_ of all people. Your head was stuck up so far up your ass about your relationship. You were so territorial. Remember how I voiced one small, _valid_ concern and you nearly bit my head off?"

Kakashi winced for Sakura. The truth hurt.

Ino saw her friend's gaping mouth trying to retaliate, "Look, you know me. _I love the shit out of you._ I actually did confront Sasuke-kun as soon as I first heard about him with the floozies. But he explained what he was doing and honestly, it really was the best thing for you. _You're so stubborn._ You would have never ended the relationship no matter how goddamn miserable you were. This was exactly what you needed to be free of him and move on to someone who'd actually treat you right."

Well, this was turning into one juicy soap opera. Kakashi rolled his eyes, where the hell was the waiter?

The blonde continued, "But yeah, I probably should have told you anyway and dealt with your explosive anger and denial. I'm really sorry for that."

Sakura bristled, then deflated. Ino's explanations made... sense, although it _pained_ her to admit it. She still wanted to be stubborn and furious. She still wanted to be on the moral high ground where everything was clear cut black and white. But, this was real life. And she was so tired, exhausted of everything. Of trying to make something work that wasn't meant to be. Of being bitter and mad. Of drinking to not deal with her feelings. Of feeling she was running in place. In a few days' time she would be gone, and all of this shit would be left behind.

"Whatever. I love you too. But I hate you and you're still on my shit list."

"Great!" Ino began to pull her friend up.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to get _off_ your shit list by dragging you out tonight!"

"No, no, no I don't want to go to a stupid club! You are just using me as an excuse to throw a party!"

Ino gave her a shrug, "So? Some of it is to your benefit as well," she said as she tugged harder. "You can have a _really hot_ rebound."

"Wait! I'm in the middle of dinner!" Sakura protested.

"Wha— Oh hello _Kakashi-sensei._ I didn't notice you there," the blonde teasingly said while giving her friend a suggestive look.

"Yo," he responded. He really wanted that waiter to come back now.

"Now _what_ are you two doing here?"

"He's treating me to birthday dinner pig!"

Giving both of them an amused look, "Kakashi-sensei, you should definitely come out tonight. It's at the Drunken Fist, nine o'clock. Genma and his crew are already there pre-gaming."

Kakashi lazily nodded. Maybe she'd leave now.

"Come on Forehead, I have to get you ready!"

"Stop it Pig— Hey wait! I haven't eaten yet," Sakura wailed as she was dragged from her seat and the restaurant.

As he saw the last glimpse of the two women, the waiter finally arrived with two large, sizzling plates.

Both gave each other a look. The waiter looked crestfallen that he missed the pink haired goddess and Kakashi was too old and tired for this shit.

"Check please," he asked, "And I need these to go."

...

The night was pleasantly cool and still young. The bass pulsated and colorful lights flickered on and off in exotic patterns. Drinks flowed uninterrupted and bodies moved with one another with electric friction. The music was hypnotic, and the air was smoky and filled with good vibes. Shinobi and civilian alike joined together in drunken, loud conversation. Friends reunited and lovers found one another. Everyone was thoroughly enjoying themselves.

Except for Sakura.

Dolled up like an idiot, unable to get bar service, and squished in a dark corner of the club against a wall _was not_ how she envisioned her birthday. She would have been perfectly fine with eating that amazing special and chatting with a silver-haired companion. But no, Ino had made it her personal mission to ruin her life once more by squeezing her into a green little number with very high heels. Everyone had already said their well wishes and left the birthday girl on her own. She didn't mind. Being the center of attention never interested her and she already knew this event was the consequence of Ino's schemes.

Although Sasuke had his reasons and Ino gave her justifications, Sakura remained irritated by the two. Less irritated than before, but still irritated. She was now really grateful for her upcoming mission. It was her fresh start. Sighing as the bartender failed to notice her once more, she decided to give up drinking for the evening. Maybe she should stop drinking for good? Kakashi's words rang in her head and she shook the thought away. What did _he_ know about attractiveness? So the only relationship she ever had failed spectacularly, but that didn't mean she wasn't attractive.

She was in great shape and had perfect... teeth! She was cute, right? Slamming her head down to the bar counter dejectedly, she half contemplated asking Shiro on a date. Apparently, the boy had an interest in her? He was a very nice civilian, had a cute boyish charm, and worked a steady job supporting his family's restaurant. She already tried dating a devastatingly handsome, accomplished, and rich shinobi. Pausing for a second, she scoffed out loud. No, the single life was for her. She barely knew what she was doing half the time and it would do no good getting tangled up with another human being. The fact she would be traveling to all ends of the earth for the next year supported her assessment.

A flash of silver immediately caught her eye as it elegantly maneuvered through a crowd of people near her. The man sat down at a booth occupied with various groupies and his rambunctious friend. Genma joyously greet the man and shove a gorgeous woman into his lap. Sakura smirked when she saw Kakashi politely slide the intoxicated female off his form. She quickly turned away from the scene. The last thing she needed was for Ino to catch her gazing at Kakashi. The annoying banshee had harassed Sakura for two hours straight about her interrupted dinner with him. There were only so many obscene insinuations she could deal with.

Sakura ran her hands through her fully blown out hair. It cascaded down in bouncy waves with an attempt to give her a _'sultry'_ look according to Ino. Surly calling this night, and birthday, a bust, she lifted herself up and steadied her footing. The last thing she needed before a lengthy mission was a broken ankle. As she attempted to make her way toward the door she was repeatedly shoved and bumped off course. A man to the left of her dropped a tray full of shots. Everyone's movements to avoid the shatter propelled her off her already unbalanced feet. Bracing herself for impact, she expected to meet the cold, concrete floor.

Instead, she face-planted into a very warm, sturdy chest.

Strong forearms secured her in place and prevented her from falling any further. As she looked up she saw a messy head of grey and a disarming look in his eye.

"Damn Hatake, you always have pretty girls falling all over you," Genma said with a howl of laughter.

_Goddamn it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please consider leaving a review. Have a nice day!


	6. Chapter 6

Kakashi looked down at the feisty pink woman on top of him. Trying his best not to incite her fury, he slowly scooted further into the booth to create space to gently place Sakura down.

After successfully doing so, and as if he had defused a bomb, he asked "You okay?" with an eye-crinkle.

Mortified at inconveniencing Kakashi _yet again_ , Sakura responded, "Yeah… Thanks…"

Genma was still laughing in the background, "What is it about you Kakashi? Do you keep literal chick magnets in your vest?"

Kakashi gave him a pointed glare.

"Oooh scary!" the senbon chewing Jonin said, holding up one hand as a sign of peace while taking a sip of his beer with the other. Turning his full attention to Sakura, "Happy birthday pink! Destroy any buildings yet?"

_"No,"_ Sakura huffed, "I was actually just about to leave. This night blows and my feet are killing me."

A long whistle exuded from Genma's mouth seeing the heels she was wearing as she crossed her legs and propped her feet on top of the table for relief. She leaned into the left side of Kakashi's body for leverage as he proceeded to read _Icha Icha_ and purposefully disengage from the conversation before him. He couldn't help but notice Genma's voluptuous, red-headed squeeze looking decidedly put out by the attention on the rose-headed kunoichi.

"Those are some _killer_ heels on some _killer_ legs Sakura-chan," Genma started, "I imagine this was Yamanaka's doing?"

"No shit. And comment on my legs again and I'll impale you with my shoe."

Completely ignoring her threat and deciding that misery needed company, "Ne Kakashi, don't you think Sakura-chan's legs look good enough to eat?" he pondered aloud with a lascivious grin.

The glint in Genma's eyes indicated he was in a mood to stir shit up, which was _always_ his mood when he drank. Kakashi remembered why he avoided going out with Genma. There were only so many bar fights he could tolerate or slaps from hysterical women he could dodge after Genma left them for another target. Turning to the next page, Kakashi ignored his comrade. Yes, Sakura did in fact have _very_ nice legs. But stupid is what stupid does. And Kakashi didn't do stupid. Feeling her intent, he slightly lowered the book in front of him to make room for a projectile that zoomed lethally past him and successfully nailed Shiranui right in his face.

"God FUCKING damn it Sakura!" the Jonin exclaimed as he slapped his hands to his nose that was proceeding to gush blood. The groupie next to him shrieked out in horror at the blood and then yelped again as Genma's beer tipped over onto her dress during the commotion.

Pausing from his reading to look at the woman beside him, "Nice shot," he muttered with an approving nod.

Sakura gave him a dazzling smile with a menacingly content look on her face. The red head next to Genma abruptly stood up while cursing the Jonin and swearing off from ever sleeping with shinobi again before she quickly left the booth.

"You should have kept your filthy mouth shut Genma-kun," Sakura retorted.

"Come on Sakura-chan!" Genma wailed unattractively in between gasps of air from his mouth as blood seeped down his face, "I was giving you a compliment!"

"The only compliments I tolerate are from Usagi-Hiro-Tatsuki," she snapped, "So keep your lines to yourself!"

Continuing to clutch his nose in despair, "What the hell is an Usagi-Hiro-Tatsuki?!"

"They're the genin team Kakashi's been babysitting all week! I'll only tolerate compliments from them!"

Kakashi let out a small huff. He was _not_ a babysitter. Yes, they were pretty much still babies. But if anything, he was a _steward for the future Will of Fire._ It was a respectable assignment. He should be respected as such.

"Fine! Fine! I hear you loud and clear! Can you at least fix my nose? You've already ruined my drink and my prospect."

"Aww are you pouting like a wittle baby because you won't get laid tonight?"

"Hatake can you PLEASE get her under control?! She's a menace!"

Before Sakura could retort, he snapped his book shut and quickly pocketed the reading material. He couldn't concentrate with the loud, rhythmic bass around him and the intense bickering in front of him.

"Sakura-chan, can you please heal Shiranui so he stops whining? I can't concentrate on my reading."

An indignant "Hey!" was heard.

Letting out a long sigh, Sakura acquiesced, _"Fine."_

Sakura removed her legs from the table. She then suddenly stretched her lithe form right across Kakashi's lap, startling him, in order to get to Genma. The weight of her body was pressed against him and he could feel her warmth pleasantly seep into his lap.

"Come here you idiot," she instructed as her right hand illuminated with chakra.

Giving her a suspicious look, Genma cautiously scooted closer until his face met with her outstretched hand.

Kakashi stayed silent. He tried his best to be nonchalant and fix his attention to the medical procedure being done before him in order to not look down. But he couldn't really help himself. Glancing downward, he noticed her dress was very tight. Very green _(which happened to be his favorite color)._ And very short. His previous reading material was stoking the fire of dirty thoughts running through his mind. Words such as "supple" and "soft" and "sensual" kept popping up. He internally slapped his forehead.

Sakura soon sat back down in her seat with an accomplished look on her face, "There you go! Good as new! Hopefully this is a lesson learned Genma-kun."

Genma tentatively wiggled his nose around while taking a few short inhales as a test. With his nasal passage completely restored, "Yeah, yeah _I get it._ I'm going back to the bar to get something new to drink. You two want anything?" he asked as he scooted out of the booth.

The other two shinobi at the table shook their heads negatively.

As Genma navigated away from the table through a packed crowd, occasionally shimmying with a pretty woman before continuing onward, both shinobi at the table let out simultaneously long, exhausted sighs. There was a pause.

"Ne Kakashi, can you please help me get my shoe?"

Kakashi nodded. Searching the space where Genma previously occupied, he didn't see a high heeled shoe anywhere. After looking under the table, he shared his verdict with his temperamental friend, "I think he stole your shoe. He probably didn't want you using it on him again this evening."

A screech erupted from her, _"I'm going to kill him!"_

...

Thirty minutes passed.

Sakura was impatiently thrumming her hands on the wooden table muttering to herself. Kakashi had proceeded to start reading again and inconspicuously put more space between the two of them. He needed to settle his mind down.

A large amount of air expelled from Sakura's mouth, blowing a strand of her long hair that had fallen in front of her face, "He's not coming back, is he?"

"Most likely not."

"Ugh I want to go home. I want to sleep..."

"Then go?"

"With one shoe? I'm not about to go barefoot at a club with broken glass, bodily fluids, and who knows what else on the floor!"

"I'm sure you could find a creative solution Sakura-chan."

"I guess I could just use people's heads as steppingstones, but I'm not in the mood to flash everyone. If anything, I should be flashed to, not be the one doing the flashing. It's MY birthday!"

"I can check if your _Gai-sensei_ is free, you know how he likes to demonstrate his springtime of youth," Kakashi suggested in a deadpan voice.

He saw her shudder at the thought. After another pause, her head perk up with an idea, "Ka-ka-shi?" she grabbed his attention in a sing-song way.

"Whatever it is, my answer is no."

Sakura threw him a withering glare, "Not even to help your most favorite former subordinate? On her birthday?"

She had a point. He would normally have 364 days out of the year to make her life miserable. He could try being a little nicer today (though to his credit he _was_ trying to be nicer by trying to buy her dinner earlier). Sighing, he turned to look at her fully. Her pink hair cascaded around her. She had some tasteful make up on as he noticed that her pouty pink lips seemed extra glossy and plump this evening. Quickly moving from that train of thought, he saw how she propped her head on top of a perfectly manicured fist while she mindlessly picked at a splinter on the table with her other hand. She was staring expectantly at him.

Giving up, "Okay, what is it?"

Smiling triumphantly, "Can you carry me out of this club, and I can walk the rest of the way home?"

"No."

_"Please?"_

"Fine. But don't complain."

"What do you mean compla—" her question was interrupted by her own surprised yelp. She felt a whirl of momentum as her body was unwillingly maneuvered. Her vision of the room spun around her.

Kakashi had thrown Sakura over his shoulder. Again. He secured his left hand firmly on her upper thighs while pinning down the short fabric of her dress to prevent any unintended flashing.

"What are you doing baka-kashi?!"

"Helping you leave like you asked," he said nonchalantly, "No more complaining otherwise I'm dropping you."

"You wouldn't DARE!"

Kakashi pinched one of her calves with his free right hand, "Try me."

Sakura promptly decided to shut up after she blew him a raspberry. As Kakashi started moving through the crowd, the already dizzying lights above them were making her extra dizzy. Resigned to her fate, she started thinking about what she could possibly (finally) be able to eat once she got home. Her stomach embarrassingly rumbled deeply out of hunger, however with all that was going on, she doubted Kakashi noticed. Just as she saw they were close to the entrance, a loud voice sliced through the beating music and buzz of the packed room.

"YO KAKASHI-SENSEI! SAKURA-CHAN!"

Kakashi pivoted his body and yet again found himself with Naruto and Sasuke in front of him. The blonde, number one unpredictable ninja was inebriated, sloshing a large glass of beer in his right hand and he had a large smile plastered on his face. The brooding ninja next to him had a small glass of straight sipping whiskey and looked incredibly annoyed, most likely from having to deal with Naruto's antics all evening.

"Yo," he greeted with a mock salute.

"Don't move so abruptly Kakashi!" a feminine voice scolded. Kakashi pinched her calf yet again in warning.

"Why are you guys leaving?! It's your birthday Sakura-chan!" Naruto bellowed.

"I'm TIRED and want to go home Naruto! Not everyone has your stamina!" Sakura bemoaned, "Kakashi is helping me get out of here."

The Uchiha looked tense. "Starting to make _this_ a habit?" Sasuke shot toward Kakashi, nodding at the fact Sakura was thrown over his shoulder again.

Well, someone was feisty. Equally tired and not in the mood for sass or insinuations, "Starting to make _this_ a habit?" Kakashi shot back as he nodded his head in Naruto's direction, "Seems like you two are always attached at the hip now. Finally conceding to those feelings stirred up by your first kiss back at the academy?"

He could hear and feel muffled laughter from the woman over his shoulder as he saw Sasuke bristle with no reply. _Point to Kakashi._

Naruto loudly interjected "Nah I only have eyes for Hinata-chan! She's SO smart! And SO kind! And SO beautiful! No offense teme, you're like stupid pretty too, but I'm not into you like that."

Sakura's full-blown laughter could now be heard. Her gaze softened and tenderly she thought what Naruto said was really cute. She was sure somewhere, Hinata was furiously sneezing at being spoken about. Sasuke rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated _'dobe.'_

Switching up tactics, Kakashi turned around and created an opportunity for Sakura to face both Naruto and Sasuke, "Here, you explain."

Now facing both her teammates, "Naruto-kun, _fuckface_ Sasuke-kun," she started. Seeing Sasuke give her a small glare, "Oh relax it's now a term of endearment and you are _my bitch_ for the foreseeable future after what you did to me– Kakashi is helping me get out here because Genma stole one of my shoes. And I'm not walking barefoot through this degenerate place."

"Ah" was Sasuke's understanding response, though he was still put off by being called a _'fuckface'_ and Sakura's _'bitch'_ in the same breath.

"EH? Why did he steal your shoe?" Naruto asked as he scratched his head in confusion.

_"Long story._ But actually, as a tiny birthday gift to me, can you please get my shoe back? They're actually Ino's and she'll literally kill me if I lose one."

"YOU GOT IT SAKURA-CHAN!" Naruto yelled out while giving her a big thumbs up.

"To make things fun," she specifically looked at the Uchiha, "Feel free to give the thief a… _hard time."_

That peaked the dark-haired ninja's interest. He had a new genjutsu he had been meaning to test out and this sounded like a great opportunity. With her teammates in agreement with fulfilling her request, she held out both of her fists in front of them. Naruto gave her a huge grin while Sasuke rolled his eyes, attempting to hid his small smirk. Both tapped their fists to hers.

"Can we go now?" a bored voice interrupted the sweet moment.

"Yup, all ready now!"

Kakashi shook his head and kicked the door open before him. Genma was in for a really bad night...

The last things Kakashi and Sakura heard as they exited the establishment was a large crash, an indignant _"WHAT THE HELL NARUTO?"_ and a loud _"QUICK TEME! HOLD HIM DOWN!"_

...

Kakashi had elected to carry her all the way home. Despite her protests, he logically noted that the rooftops and streets of Konoha were anything but clean. If she accidentally got tetanus from a rusty nail and died on his watch, Tsunade would legitimately assign two genin teams to him. He'd rather escort her home than tempt fate.

They fell into a comfortable silence. The full moon shone brightly above them. Kakashi was reading again as he leisurely strolled with Sakura on top of his shoulder. Although he never looked up from the pages, he miraculously was able to avoid colliding into other pedestrians and managed to be going in the right direction to her apartment.

Sakura became preoccupied at looking at all the shadows littering the streets and glaring at random onlookers who looked at her and Kakashi with bewilderment. So what if this was becoming a common sight around the village? She then inhaled deeply and was enveloped in the strong, deep scent of Kakashi. It was masculine, comforting, and toe-curling. She felt really secure in his hold and welcomed the warmth of his hand on her thighs. She could get used to this.

Sakura suddenly blushed furiously before shaking the thoughts away. Maybe Kenpachi was right.

Kakashi successfully made it to the front of her apartment door. Setting her down, they were now face to face. Neither made the effort to break the silence. As Sakura stared up at Kakashi, she studied him intently. Over the past few days, Kakashi had been really... nice, in his convoluted, classically weird way. He was just there when she needed someone the most and though he teased her, he never judged her. He annoyed her to her wits end, but she was sincerely grateful for him. _'I wonder if he really is pretty like a girl,'_ she thought randomly.

Noticing the weird look on her face and not knowing what else to do, Kakashi decided to break the tension. He aggressively ruffled Sakura's hair before saying _'Ja ne Sakura-chan!'_ and flickering away.

Sakura's loud protests died out as she attempted to smooth her hair. Exhaustion fully setting in, she opened her door and slid into her cozy home. On a rooftop several blocks away, Kakashi paused. He didn't understand why his heart fluttered in his chest. Thinking that he had too much excitement for one day, he started leaping from rooftop to rooftop on his way home. Absentmindedly, he unconsciously flexed his hand in what seemed to be a desperate act to remember the exact feeling of Sakura's long, soft, delicate pink hair between his fingers.

Sakura threw Ino's other shoe into her destroyed kitchen as she walked into her living room. As she started to make her way toward her bedroom, ignoring her hunger pains, something in the corner of her eye caught her attention. Two generous portions of takeout sat on top of her small coffee table. As she walked over and crouched down, she realized the takeout was the delicious dinner specials she had ordered earlier today with Kakashi.

Gasping, her mouth started to water uncontrollably. A delectable aroma wafted into her nose. She squealed softly as she stood up and happily danced in place at the prospect of eating. Looking down again, she then noticed a note that was placed beside the food.

_'Happy birthday'_ was written on the tiny parchment. A really poorly drawn caricature of Pakkun giving her a thumbs up was the signature. This all immediately confirmed her suspicions that Kakashi had dropped this off.

Her heart melted a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please consider leaving a review. Have a nice day!


	7. Chapter 7

Sakura was having a pleasant morning.

With five days left before her mission, she woke up determined to be productive. It didn't hurt that she awoke sober, well rested, and emotionally stable for the first time in… a while. Gulping down a mug of black coffee, she stared at a large map depicting the five great hidden villages. Given the dire straits Suna's healthcare system was in, and the close allyship between the two villages, she decided to begin her mission in Sunagakure. It'd be nice to hang out with the Sand Siblings and ease into her year-long commitment abroad.

Moving on to her next task, she began auditing her supplies and writing down a list of ingredients in need of re-stocking. Fiddling with a pen, her mind briefly wandered over how her life drastically changed over the last few days. A flash of silver hair crossed her mind accompanied by the memory of how his warm hand felt while holding her. She quickly snuffed it out with a violent shake of her head. Assessing her list, she concluded a visit to her shitty best friend was in order. Fluffing her hair with her hands, she piled the strands into a messy bun and proceeded to stretch her arms overhead as an involuntary yawn escaped her.

While exiting her apartment, a realization was made. A year abroad. A year without Kenpachi, her unwilling and unqualified therapist. A year without peach sake, her coping mechanism and frankly it really was delicious. Horrified at the prospect, she made a mental note to stop by the bar as soon as she put her order in with Ino. Strolling down the street, she deeply inhaled, basking in the morning light that warmed her exposed skin and black attire. Random strangers happily greeted her as she passed by and she found herself genuinely mirroring their salutations. Upon arriving at her destination, she saw that Ino had propped open the shop door in order to let the fresh morning air circulate.

"Morning Ino-pig!"

"Hey forehead, someone is rather happy this morning…" Ino greeted while intensely scrutinizing her. Cheerful disposition. A glowing, radiant complexion unlike the usual haggardness that resulted from her overworking, alcoholic tendencies. _Interesting…_

"What, I can't be happy for the sake of being happy?"

Snorting, "You haven't been happy since before you and Sasuke-kun got together."

Sakura rolled her eyes but didn't contest the statement, " _Perhaps._ Still doesn't mean you're absolved, you back-stabbing bitch. You owe me a lifetime of apologies and groveling. If the roles were reversed, you'd have stabbed me in the face by now."

"I know, I know... I really am sorry. I was a straight up cunt and I know it really hurt you. I won't pull that shit again or you can stab me in the face. Multiple times. And I will find ways to make it up to you Forehead."

Sighing, "That's a _start_ I guess. You know the fuckface actually said he wouldn't apologize to me?"

Rolling her blue eyes, "He's such a fucking asshole."

"Yeah, it's so on brand for him. I'm going to hustle him for a new kitchen at the very least."

"Well… If it makes you feel a tad better, I definitely got you some retribution with the help of Naruto-kun."

"Wait what? What did you do? Tell me," she demanded.

"Well…"

"Spit it out!"

Ino smiled mischievously, sharing in a hushed tone, "You know how Sasuke-kun is very particular about his hair? Let's just say a month after you found about his _extracurricular_ activities, he woke up with bright pink hair."

"INO—"

"He couldn't dye it back because it would have fried the shit out of his hair and then he'd have to shave it off. It took him _weeks_ to wash it out, and every time he went out, he had to use a henge!"

Both women caught each other's gazes and after a brief pause, erupted into full-bellied cackling and laughter that bounced off the walls of the flower shop.

"You marvelous scheming bitch," Sakura wheezed out in between bouts of laughter, "I'm a little less pissed at you now. I assume there's pictures?"

Ino winked at her in confirmation. Focusing her attention on subtly prying, "So did you end up having a nice birthday night? Get any… presents?"

Scoffing, "HA no. Last night sucked, thanks for nothing. But I did eat a really delicious dinner and finally slept 9 blissful hours—"

"Ugh boring," Ino jeered, "I thought something happened last night. As in the _opposite_ of sleeping through the night."

"What are you going on about?"

"Well, I thought leaving with Kakashi-sensei meant…"

"Oh KAMI, no, no he was just doing me a favor—"

"Oh a _favor—"_

"Get your mind out of the gutter!"

Pouting, "You're no fun. I mean you've heard the rumors, right? He's a total babe. Like a complete _panty-dropper—"_ Ignoring Sakura's embarrassed squeal of protest, "But apparently he's really picky so not a lot of women get the privilege of having his _hot piece of ass—"_

Incredulous at the blonde's vulgarity, "Aren't you hopelessly in love with Sai?"

"Of course! But that doesn't mean I'm _blind._ Or don't _hear_ things. Or that I can't have _wicked_ fantasies."

Shaking her head, "You're impossible. And no, nothing happened. Kakashi was just being a good friend. Also, you're completely derailing the point of my visit."

"Fine, I'll drop it, for now," Ino casually flipped her long ponytail, "What are you here for?"

Sakura whipped out a long list of plants, her delicate fingers pushing the piece of paper across the countertop, "In preparation for my mission, I need to stock up on these foundational ingredients for remedies and antidotes. I figured you'd appreciate the business given this is funded by long-term A-rank mission money."

Ino squealed in delight, eyes quickly scanning down the list, _"You're the best!_ Kaa-san has been skeptical after I convinced her to invest in a greenhouse in order to expand our business to supplying natural medical ingredients. This is a huge order!"

"I know I'm the best. Just send the invoice to headquarters with the mission code and you'll get a direct deposit. The only catch is that I need this in the next four days, can you manage?"

"Duh, of course! Pleasure doing business with you…" she trailed off with a strange look in her eyes, "Now circling back to the topic of _pleasure—"_

Annoyed and unaware of her surroundings, "Pig, NO, I don't want to talk about how _'Kakashi is a babe'_ or that he's a _'panty-dropping, hot piece of ass'_ you filthy—"

"Yo Sakura-chan."

Sakura froze in shock at the baritone timbre of his voice. It reverberated deep within her. Her body immediately flushed hot with embarrassment and an overwhelming urge to throttle the busty blonde who was giving her a predatory grin.

 _Fucking hell._ And she was having such a pleasant morning.

...

Kakashi was having a pleasant morning.

And he wasn't entirely sure why. Going for an aimless morning stroll, he buried his nose in a copy of _Icha Icha_ to deter interruptions as he mused. Frankly, he should be having a mediocre morning (at best) given he was looking after the brats again. Tsunade had been positively relishing her clever punishment, which he continues to maintain was completely unwarranted. An overreaction. But it's fine, he was a patient man. A patient, petty man and he vowed that whenever he was finally forced into becoming the Hokage he would outlaw sake.

Though the more he thought about it, his conviction lessened. It's not that he couldn't take Tsunade in a straight up brawl. Honestly, he'd probably throw the fight so she would put him out of his misery and reassume his responsibilities. But things would be less _fun._ He'd been rather enjoying the sake-induced antics of an azalea-haired spitfire – the vomiting on him incident aside. Then again, pissing Sakura off by banning sake might prove even more entertaining. Something about being the focus of her jade eyes burning with rage and the challenge she posed both intellectually with her scathing wit and physically with her ability to kill him with one punch was hot— no, no, no… _fun._ Just _fun._

Speaking of the devil, he first noticed her chakra. Then he smelled her – _peonies and honey._ Eager to dragoon her into watching over the brats again, he casually strolled through the open door of the _Yamanaka Flower Shop._ From behind, he saw her long pink hair was toppled into a messy high bun. Animated gestures suggested she was riled up by whatever was being discussed. As she leaned across the counter to point something out to her blonde friend, he got a lovely view of her ass in leggings that perfectly molded to the contours of her body… and he immediately shut down the thought.

_What the hell was wrong with him lately?_

As he got closer, he saw the Yamanaka girl notice his presence and catch his gaze with a troublesome glint in her eyes. Maintaining eye contact, the blonde said something to Sakura that made her loudly exclaim something he'd never in a _thousand_ years would imagine spewing from her delicate mouth. While her descriptive language was doing wonders for his ego, he deduced that she had set Sakura up. Deciding to be merciful, he interrupted her before she could say something further incriminating.

"Yo Sakura-chan."

Immediately noticing her tense up, he could have sworn a small, agonized whine escaped her. A minute passed in complete silence as she refused to acknowledge his presence, as if wishing to disappear into the ground. Yamanaka had a shit-eating grin remarkably similar to a drunk Genma. Kakashi made a mental note to avoid the devious blonde in the future. Deciding to spice up his morning and poke the bear, he walked over and stood right next to Sakura's still rigid body.

He gave Yamanaka a nod in greeting as she gave him an amused look in return, "You know it's rude to ignore a greeting Sakura-chan."

He heard her mutter something as she pinched the bridge of her nose out of frustration.

"Hmm what was that?"

She muttered louder, _"How much did you hear?"_

Playing dumb, "Hear what?"

"Don't play dumb."

"I don't have the faintest idea what you're referring to."

Deciding to drop it and turning to face him, "My apologies," she gritted out, "Hi Kakashi. How. Are. You?"

Giving his signature eye-crinkle, "I'm great. Even better running into you."

Ino threw her a suggestive look that Sakura quickly shut down with a glare. Something was up, knowing the infuriating antics of the man beside her. Their close proximity gave her an opportunity to breathe him in and the delightful scent of a freshly showered Kakashi assaulted her senses. Shit, now she was thinking about the man in the shower.

Internally slapping herself to get a grip, "...And why is that?"

"Guess who is helping me watch the brats again today?"

Sighing, "…Again?"

"Yup."

"Since when do you have a new team Kakashi-sensei?" Ino interjected.

"Since he fucked up on a recent mission," Sakura huffed out.

Glaring at the woman beside him, "I am _willingly_ stewarding the next generation of talented shinobi. _Temporarily."_

Sakura gave a loud, incredulous snort before yelping at the flick to her bicep.

Ignoring the electrifying sensation of his touch on her skin, _"Watch it."_

He shrugged off her heated glare, "You still owe me. Deal with it."

Deflating slightly, _"Fine._ But I have to run an errand first and then I'll be free to join you guys. Try not to make them cry before then."

Unbothered by her jab, "Works for me. See you in an hour?"

She nodded unenthusiastically while waving him off in an attempt to dismiss him as if he were an annoying gnat.

No longer deciding to be merciful, he leaned closer to her ear, noting she slightly shuddered at the feeling of his warm breath, "Meet my _'panty-dropping, hot piece of ass'_ at Training Field 5. Don't be late."

Sakura violently snarled at him as he poofed away.

There was a pause.

"So… was that you two's idea of foreplay?"

Sakura slammed her head against the counter in response.

...

"KENPACHI!" she yelled while kicking the thick, wooden door to the bar wide open.

The old man gave her a startled look, "Whuddya doin' here in the mornin'? You really should get ya problem checked out by a professional." In the process of aggressively mopping the floors, he was dressed in tattered clothing with a piece of discolored cloth tightly tied around his forehead.

Tiptoeing to avoid the drying spots of clean floor, "I'm not here to drink! Well, not here to drink _right now,_ but more like I'm here to secure my ability to drink _in the future."_

"Tha hell?"

"I mean that I just realized that I'm going to go a year without your peach sake."

Putting it together while propping the mop against a table, "Oh ya, I was wonderin' when you'd realize that."

Now it was her turn to be confused, "Huh?"

"I know what ya goin' to ask, I already got you covered. I been stockpilin' extra brews of sake so you can keep a reserve on ya at all times while on the road. I'll have 'em sealed and ready before ya leave."

Unshed tears glistened in her eyes, deeply moved at the foresight of her deranged alcoholism enabler, "I could _kiss_ you Kenpachi!"

He scoffed at her dramatics, waving a heavily scarred, calloused hand while walking behind the bar, "Don' thank me yet, you still gotta pay upfront before ya leave."

"Is there a way I could have you send an invoice using my mission code? I think I could _totally_ swing this as a necessary expense—"

"Nah."

Narrowing her eyes, "What do you mean 'nah'?"

Narrowing his eyes back at her, "I don' deal with tha establishment. Or paperwork. May also been evadin' taxes tha past couple decades…"

An exasperated groan erupted from her, "Do I at least get a discount for a bulk order? And because I'm your favorite customer?"

A thoughtful look passed his face as he pressed a paring knife to his lips, "Maybe. Ya know my profits are goin' way down once ya leave, you spend a fuck ton of money here."

Pouting, "I like to support small businesses."

Kenpachi barked loudly at her bullshit, "Here's what peach, how about we throw a lil' goin' away party here before you leave. Invite the whole damn village. Coerce the fuck outta every man, or woman if that's ya thing, for drinks. Then I'll give ya a good discount."

Shrugging, "I can do that," then throwing him a grin, "But you still also have to teach me a thing or two before I leave."

"HAH? This ain't no negotiation brat."

"Hey! You already said you would!"

Pointing the blade at her, "Point taken."

Sakura jumped up and down, squealing in delight.

"Hmm… Ya good as shit with chakra control, right? Partial to water release?"

Nodding, "Actually yes I am."

Giving her a wicked, toothy grin, "Oh ya, I got somethin' in mind. It's stupid forbidden though so only use it in emergencies ya hear?"

She gave him a mock salute while nodding enthusiastically. Sitting down at the bar, she watched him pry open cans of fruit concentrate with the paring knife, "Kenpachi…" she started tentatively.

"Ya?"

"Where are you from? I actually don't know much about your past."

Shrugging, then vigorously shaking a can for every last droplet, "Eh, not much to know. Just lotta carnage and blood in my past… I'm sure ya can tell that I'm from Mist."

Smiling, "I thought as much but didn't know for sure. How did you end up in Konoha? I'm pretty sure your generation had serious beef with the village, right?"

"How old ya think I am?"

_"Very old."_

"Cheeky cunt. Ya not wrong though, I've killed plenty Konoha nin back in the day when shit was really poppin' off. Before that brat Minato's era. But soon after, the Mist and I… came to a _mutual understanding_ to go our separate ways."

Raising a brow at his phrasing, "Mutual understanding. Uh huh. Because the Mist, until recently, has always been known as _understanding."_

Kenpachi shrugged again, "They _understood_ that it's more trouble than it's worth coming after me. Been a long time, doubt many people who remember me are still alive. One day I showed up to Konoha with a travelin' merchant caravan who paid for my services gettin' here and I just sorta stuck around."

"Wow," she said while ingesting his story.

Proceeding to rinse his hands, "That's basically it. Been livin' a quiet life since then. Well, until a loud drunken brat threw a good payin' customer through my wall. But ya know the rest after that."

Sakura giggled at the memory.

"Wait, do you know what time it is?"

Glancing at a small clock behind the counter, "Seems to be almost noon."

"Shit, I have to go! Give me a couple days to invite people to the party, does that work?"

Ushering her away with a hand, "Yeah, yeah, works for me. Now go on, I gotta finish moppin' up."

Rushing out in a flurry of movement, Sakura called out behind her, "Thanks Kenny! You're the best!"

Yelling after her, "OI! Don' be givin' me dumbass nicknames ya stupid brat!"

...

Sakura was panting heavily as she barely made it to Training Field 5 on time, hunched over while resting her hands on her knees. Looking up, she saw three youngsters sprinting toward her with a visibly haggard Kakashi slowly trailing behind them.

"The pretty-sensei is here!" a chorus of jubilant voices cheered.

Standing straight, she braced herself as three children launched themselves at her form, enveloping her in a tight embrace.

"Hey guys, miss me?" she teased.

"YES, Kaka-sensei is _soooo mean,"_ whined the boy.

She saw Kakashi snort at the accusation.

"Ya cry baby! You're just mad because Kaka-sensei kicked your butt."

"He kicked your butt too Tatsuki!"

"Nu uh."

"Ya huh."

"Nu uh."

"Ya huh."

"I'll kick both your butts again if you don't quit it," drawled Kakashi.

"Kaka-sensei was helping us with taijutsu, Sakura-sensei," Usagi softly explained.

Pointing a finger directly above Usagi's head, "She's the only brat I like." The little girl preened with a bright smile at the underhanded compliment.

Sakura rolled her eyes at the blatant favoritism while the other two kids squawked in protest, "I can't believe you're bullying a bunch of six-year-olds. What are you going to do when you have kids, idiot?"

The silver haired Jonin gave a nonchalant shrug, "Easy, my kids would never be a pain like those two."

Both Tatsuki and Hiro gave each other a conspiratorial look, and then nodded in agreement of an unspoken truce. Turning to look at Usagi, she tried her best to avoid their eye contact before conceding, giving a tentative nod in agreement.

Hiro abruptly screamed, "GET HIM!" as all three launched at Kakashi with a flurry of kicks and punches in a determined attempt to kick _his_ butt.

"Don't announce your intentions Hiro-kun," Kakashi instructed.

Easily dodging the attacks, he grabbed Tatsuki by her collar and flung her away from him while pushing away Usagi with a foot and holding back Hiro with the palm of his hand. Awkwardly dealing with the onslaught, "Sakura-chan, save me."

Sakura giggled uncontrollably, shaking her head, "No way. Looks like they're taking your lesson on 'teamwork' to heart Ka-ka-shi."

Suddenly, Usagi flew toward Kakashi's face with a determined look and balled up fist cranked way back, "Can you please help us Sakura-sensei?" she called out.

Kakashi looked genuinely hurt by the betrayal, vowing to never trust a cute, innocent little girl again, then narrowed his eyes at the mischievous smirk emerging on Sakura's face.

 _"No...,"_ he strongly suggested to the woman crouching down before him, while blocking Usagi's punch and dodging Tatsuki's eager return to the scuffle.

Sticking her tongue out before joining the fray, _"Yes."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of _daily_ updates to this story! More updates will definitely come, however at a slower cadence as I'm working on two other stories simultaneously.
> 
> Thank you so much for the incredible response so far! I really appreciate all the engagement and reviews, and I'm thrilled that people are enjoying themselves. :)
> 
> Please consider leaving a review. Have a nice day!


	8. Chapter 8

Kakashi had been hiding in a tree for the past ten minutes. 

Leaning his back against the trunk, his left knee was propped up while his right leg dangled off the somewhat narrow, but sturdy, branch. He wasn’t necessarily proud of hiding in a tree but could live with the fact he chose a _strategic retreat_ after being ambushed by three brats and a pink haired menace. It was four against one, hardly fair. Not only that, but she also wasn’t pulling her punches (although thankfully she wasn’t infusing them with chakra either). 

Hiro was annoyingly loud, Tatsuki was annoyingly reckless, and Usagi was annoyingly adorable, which Sakura immediately exploited to her advantage. More than once she casually hurled a brat at him as if they were kunai in an attempt to distract him, knowing he wouldn’t just dropkick a child in the face and instead make an effort to safely catch them. Crafty, but also a low blow. They both knew Tsunade would yell at him if one of the brats died. 

Hence the _strategic retreat._

In the distance, Tatsuki and Hiro were hollering into the wind with juvenile attempts to goad him out of hiding. Something about how he was a _‘super uncool, unhip ojii-chan.’_ Surprisingly, Sakura neither encouraged nor amplified their insults. It was probably because she was running around making odd squawking noises, flapping her arms like a bird, as Usagi sat on top of her shoulders giggling uncontrollably. That woman had fully compromised his team.

_Traitors._

So, he may have _miscalculated_ when coercing Sakura into helping him babysit this week. He figured time would pass quickly with her around, a natural buffer to the kids and an entertaining recipient of his quips. Besides, it’s not like she had anything better to do and he always enjoyed her company. This week made that even more apparent. She was genuinely charming… unintentionally hilarious… ethereally beautiful—

Sighing, he internally slapped his head, turning to the next page of Icha Icha. Maybe he did read too much _romance..._ A loud whoop of excitement carried by the wind caught his attention. Sakura had dismissed his team for the day as a reward for their _‘teamwork.’_ Peering through the thick foliage, he saw the three brats scurry off, most likely to terrorize the local candy shop owner, and Sakura flicker away… 

…Only to rematerialize right in front of him. 

Straddling the branch, she had the audacity to pin his right leg against the branch with her left leg, casually propping her chin on top of his left knee. Her jade eyes seemed to glow as she stared at him, her gaze occasionally obstructed by the flutter of eyelashes. He could feel her breath as she exhaled. She was rather… close. Most likely to deter him from poofing away unexpectedly, or rather, expectedly. 

“Yo,” she said, sarcastically mocking his signature greeting.

Snapping his book shut and ignoring the warmth from the various points of contact, “Have you finally come to concede?”

Snorting as she whacked his thigh with an open palm, “Don’t be obtuse, we are _clearly_ the victors. Can’t wait to tell everyone how you ran away from a fight with six-year-olds... _‘Future Sixth Hokage’_ my ass.”

Was she always this touchy feely and comfortable with him? Or was he just noticing it now? Why did he… like it?

“I was… regrouping. And I’ll tell everyone about your reckless child endangerment.”

Raising her head off his knee, she rolled her eyes, “Please do, I never want a genin team.”

“We’ll see about that once I’m Hokage,” he countered, gently bopping the top of her head with his book.

Swatting it away, she narrowed her eyes and growled out, “I thought you didn’t want the job.”

“Well, you’re making me reconsider. It is the _highest_ of honors to serve. And I actually think you’d make a wonderful _academy instructor,”_ he goaded while securing his book in his flak jacket. 

She immediately clutched his thigh in warning, a not subtle promise that she would use his leg to violently throw him off the tree branch if he teased her further. However, it only succeeded in invoking a sense of thrill. Excitement shot through him. Oh…

_Oh no._

“That’s an abuse of power,” she hissed.

“The only abuse of power is you manhandling me. And not pulling your punches during a spar.” 

Her grasp vanished and he caught himself from admitting that he missed the sensation. 

“Don’t be such a baby.”

“Mah, you’ve become really mean since I came back.”

“I am not! I _kindly_ covered for you when you decided to flee from the tiny humans. I knew where you were the _entire_ time!”

Abruptly leaning forward, his face was a mere inch from hers and he relished the sound as her breath hitched. Whispering lowly, “Or perhaps you just wanted my _‘hot piece of ass’_ all to yourself? How very forward… you’re going to make me blush.”

He knew he went too far. He knew she couldn’t help but attempt to punch him. But he couldn’t help but smile at her look of indignation, the irate gleam in her eyes, the hot blush that adorned her cheeks, the sputtering of half formed insults. It was endearing. 

However, he seemed to have _miscalculated,_ again. As he dodged her fist, it immediately connected with the trunk behind him, the sheer force splintering the wood and compromising the integrity of the tree. There was a momentary groan before both were free falling to the ground below them. With an abrupt, audible thud, he found himself, with the wind knocked out of him, flat on his back. Sakura sat on top of him, spitting out leaves and expletives from her mouth.

_Ow._

Subconsciously, he had decided to break Sakura’s fall. Maybe out of a misplaced sense of chivalry. Consciously, he somewhat regretted it because it was rather painful. Although he conceded that it was pleasant being straddled by an equally attractive and lethal woman. Maybe he was secretly a masochist? 

“Son of a bitch!” she exclaimed, chest heaving from adrenaline with her hair sticking out of place with debris. 

Letting out a small groan, “That’s not very nice.”

“Not you _—well, most of the time you—_ but no, the tree!”

Raising his head to meet her gaze, “I’m sorry, _who_ was it that just _disintegrated_ that perfectly nice, innocent tree with her fist? It’ll take half a century for it to grow to that size again. Well, maybe we can ask Yamato—”

Grumbling as she fished small twigs from her hair, “Shut it. I take it back – you _are_ a son of a bitch. This is entirely your fault.”

Letting his head drop back to the ground, “You really need to work on that temper. And you could at least thank me for breaking your fall.”

“I— well,” he could _feel_ her blushing, “Right, thank you Kakashi. Are you hurt anywhere?”

“Well, I do have this crushing, _significant_ weight on my chest that’s making it a bit difficult to breathe.”

Her slap to his bicep was worth it. He rather liked it when she touched him, even violently. Shit, maybe he really was a masochist.

“You’re insufferable! I can’t believe I thought for a second I was going to miss you when I leave, you ass—"

Raising his head again with an eye crinkle, “Ah, so you _do_ appreciate me and all my eccentricities, despite years of telling me otherwise _and_ slandering me to everyone.”

Crossing her arms with her nose to the air, “I’ve had enough of your _idiotic_ eccentricities to last me a lifetime!”

Almost pouting, “You really know how to hurt a man’s feelings Sakura-chan.”

A glimmer of light caught his attention. A bead of sweat trailed down her neck toward her decolletage and he had a sudden urge to lick—

Abruptly breaking his own train of thought and eager to remove himself from such stimuli, “Are you ever going to get off of me? You’re sending me really mixed signals, insulting and yelling at me, all while you pin me down.”

As she yelped and scurried off of him, calling him a _‘perverted idiot’_ and swearing that the next time he was injured she’d let him _‘bleed out and die,’_ a grin broke out underneath his mask. 

He was going to miss her too. 

...

Two days later, Sakura was about to pull her hair out of frustration. 

“Why the hell didn’t I think of this?”

Kenpachi cackled as he observed his frustrated pupil-for-a-day manipulate liquid within a balloon, “’Cuz it’s a dark as shit technique and Konoha nin don’t think like that peach.”

“This is morbid _and_ frightfully useful,” she said with a slight awe in her voice.

“Fuck, I’m creatin’ a monster, ain’t I?”

“Perhaps,” she answered distractedly, brows furrowed in immense concentration as she manipulated her chakra to coax and bend the liquid to her whims. 

Sakura was grateful to be attempting to learn this technique now as opposed to earlier. It required an incredible amount of focus and finesse, and she had been a bit… distracted over the past two days. A lot of things were on her mind. Or rather, _someone._ She had run into Kakashi a few times since they fell out of a tree together: a dango shop, a bookstore, in the middle of the street early in the morning. It was serendipitous. 

It was also ruining her life. Often, she caught herself from casually touching him. And scolded herself for invading his personal space and staring at him too long. And wanted to knock herself out when she almost drooled because he smelled so good. Shit. Almost groaning aloud in sheer frustration, her thoughts unwillingly wandered. Soft silver. Smoldering greys. Baritone whispers. Infuriating eye crinkles. Defined, dominant forearms that could easily pick her up and—

The water balloon exploded. 

Kenpachi roared with laughter as she was soaked in diluted corn syrup, “That’s surprisin’, what made ya lose concentration?”

Wiping the mildly viscous liquid from her face, “…Nothing in particular. Just something random that threw me off.”

A lecherous grin broke across his aged face, “It’s a boy, ain’t it?”

“WHAT? No. _NO._ Dumbass.”

“Oh, my mistake, was I supposed to say _‘man’_ or _‘person’_ or some shit?”

“No,” she hissed, “A boy, man, person, whatever, did not make me lose my concentration. What’s it to you anyway?”

“Oi, ya know I’m fond of ya. You already told me I can’t start shit with tha pussy-footing Uchiha, but I call dibs if this new brat breaks ya heart.”

Half moved by his protectiveness and half irritated by the patriarchal undertones of that protectiveness, “I mean— well, _fine_. I appreciate the sentiment. But you don’t have to worry, there’s _no one_. Okay?”

On the complete opposite side of the village, Kakashi sneezed three times. 

“Whatever ya say peach. Well, go on, try again. Ya almost had it, right?”

Grabbing hold another water balloon and proceeding to manipulate its contents again, “Yes, I almost had it.”

Giving her a toothy grin, “Good. Keep practicin’ and then you can try on my arm next.”

Looking up at him, “That’s dangerous shit.”

“How else ya gonna learn? Also, you can just heal me, or are ya full of shit about bein’ a hot shot doc?”

She flicked him off before returning back to manipulating the water balloon.

“Ya invited a shit ton of people to tonight, right peach?”

“Yes, yes, literally the entire village.”

Kenpachi clapped his hands in triumph, “Fuck ya! Gonna make so much money tonight!”

Rolling her eyes, “You could act a little torn up about me leaving.”

“Tch, you’ll be back. Ain’t no way ya gonna die or somethin’. And this’ll give me time to coax back tha other regulars ya scared off.”

Suddenly, the water balloon morphed, stretching and contorting until the rubber snapped and dropped to the floor. All that was left was liquid, swirling as it hovered above the palms of her hands, fully manipulated and controlled by her chakra. Slightly nudging an index finger, a sliver of liquid expanded outward, before receding back to the fold. 

“That’s tha fucking spirit!”

Sakura beamed at the man, “I did it!”

“Ya! Now try that shit with my arm!”

“Wa-wait a damn minute you old geezer! I’m not going to prison for elder abuse!”

“HAH? It’d be a thousand years before the likes of ya can harm me, brat!”

“You want to fucking go, Kenny?!”

They bickered back and forth for ten minutes before Sakura conceded, only on the condition that he apply the technique on her arm first. It was a valid suggestion, given that experiencing the effects of a jutsu usually helped glean insight on its proper execution. When Kenpachi grasped her forearm, she was slightly nervous. When he gave her a serious look while asking if she was ready, terror pooled into her stomach. When his face then contorted into a sadistic grin, she knew she _probably_ fucked up. 

Sakura cried like a little bitch. 

...

The sun was setting as Sakura made her way home. Her hair had solidified into an unmoving mass due to the corn syrup mixture and tendrils of pink were plastered against her cheek and neck. She was icky and sticky and in desperate need of a shower, especially before making an appearance at a bar with every single Konoha inhabitant in attendance. For a fleeting moment, she considered skipping the large gathering all together, however Kenpachi would definitely skin her alive, despite how much he adored her. 

Trudging along, a shrill voice cut through the initial murmurs of cicadas and hum of streetlamps warming up, “OH FOREHEAD!”

Groaning, she came to a sudden stop. Turning around, she saw the _Ino-Shika-Cho_ trio casually strolling down the street. Ino was eagerly waving at her as she dragged her two teammates behind her. 

“Hey Pig… Shikamaru-kun, Chojii-kun.”

“Hey Sakura-chan,” Shikamaru gritted out with a cigarette hanging precariously between his lips, as he fiddled with a lighter to ignite it. 

“Hi Sakura-chan!” enthusiastically greeted Choji in between handfuls of chips.

“We’re SO excited for tonight! I’ve never been to this bar before! Look at you, being such a social butterfly – two parties in one week?”

“Well, two parties _against my will,_ but yeah…”

After taking a long drag, “Oh Sakura-chan, Tsunade-sama yelled at me to let you know I’ll be tagging along on your journey to Suna. Something about a diplomatic… ah it’s such a drag to explain.”

Fighting a grin, “What made shishou yell at you?”

“Tch, I may have accidentally woken her up from a hangover nap…”

Sakura gave him a sympathetic look, “Well, it’ll be nice to have company and we can catch up! I’m excited to catch up with the Sand Siblings too.”

“Yeah, and he’s _sooo_ excited to catch up with a _certain_ Sand Sibling…,” Ino interjected with a mischievous grin.

Cluelessly, Choji chimed, “Uh, Gaara-sama?”

“No, he’s excited to see _Temari-chan!_ He’s been real hot for her since the Chunin exams!”

Shikamaru scowled as he muttered _‘troublesome’_ under his breath while both of his teammates laughed at his expense.

“Also, I need my shoes back! I have a hot date with Sai later this week.”

Blinking slowly, “Oh… Right! I’ll get them to you tomorrow. I think Naruto has your other shoe— and please don’t ask, it’s a long story.”

Flipping her long blonde hair, she shrugged, “Okay cool.”

Throwing her a suspicious look given that too much time had passed and too many opportunities were forwent, “Aren’t you going to make a smartass comment?”

“Hmm?” 

Shikamaru and Choji engaged in a separate conversation about whether it was physically possible to eat the entire menu at their favorite BBQ place. The strategist commented that just because you _can_ do something, doesn’t mean you _should_ do something. 

Gesturing down her body, “Typically this is where you make a comment about how I look like shit, Pig.”

Ino gave her friend a light shove, “Oh please, I’m above that now. I told you I’m making things up to you and commenting on how you look like shit, when you _so obviously_ know you look like shit, is beneath me now.”

Shaking her head to hide her smile, “There we go.”

Ino leaned in close and whispered excitedly, “Anyway, how are things progressing with you and the _‘panty-dropping, hot piece of ass’_? You gonna bang him before you leave?”

Sakura muffled a scream of frustration. 

_Damn it Ino._

...

He was running late. 

But honestly, can one truly be late to a _bar_ of all places? For a while, he had gone back and forth with himself if he should even make an appearance tonight. Things had _shifted_ between him and Sakura. Despite all logic dictating he should have reservations about this evolution in their relationship, he rather… welcomed it? It felt almost effortless, natural. Although it equally scared the shit out of him. 

Upon entering the bar, he was rather thankful he was exceptionally late.

Tsunade was drunkenly hustling money out of equally drunk patrons in arm wrestling matches, the latest victim being Choji. Yamato suddenly had to restrain her with wood release when a sore loser called her old. Kiba and Lee were almost entirely nude, having a push up contest, while a crowd of spectators cheered loudly and exchanged bets with Shino, who somehow found himself acting as bookkeeper. Gai was sobbing uncontrollably at the display of _‘flaming burning youth.’_ Hinata appeared to be on the brink of fainting as Naruto threw his arm around her to prattle on about how he recently kicked Sasuke’s ass. 

Sasuke was chugging a beer to prevent himself from stabbing both Naruto and Sai, who suggested that Hinata not waste her time as _‘dickless was already spoken for by the international criminal.’_ Izumo and Kotetsu were passed out at a table, evidently from losing a drinking competition with Tenten. Ino had cornered a scowling Shikamaru to give him very detailed, unsolicited advice on how to _‘rock Temari’s world.’_ And Genma was just bitched slapped after saying something untoward to a woman he recognized was in ANBU.

Sighing at the utter chaos before him, he already wanted to leave. 

But then, he saw her. 

She was incredibly intoxicated… and incredibly appealing. Cotton candy hair cascaded around her as she drifted across the room, easily maneuvering through the crowd to the bar, holding an empty bottle of sake. The thin fabric of her jade slip dress swayed with her movements, and one of the delicate little straps slid off her shoulders. His ears pricked up at the sound of her laughter as she threw her head back at a comment the old bartender made. Chewing her lip, her brows suddenly furrowed, as if she sensed something. She began looking around the room, until her eyes caught his own. Her face illuminated with joy as she smiled at him, as if he was the only person in the bar… _in the world._

Shit. She was dazzling him. 

He needed a fucking drink.

After giving a casual wave and eye crinkle, he turned away. And as if the Devil himself heard his pleas, Genma slid right next to him, gently rubbing the side of his face that was slapped. He then shoved a large glass of bourbon in Kakashi’s hands. Occasionally, the idiot was useful. 

There was a pause.

Clicking his tongue against the senbon in his mouth, “So… What’s going on with you and the weapon of mass destruction with an ass you could bounce a coin off of?”

Never mind, the idiot was always useless. 

Downing a few hearty gulps, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“ _Sure._ Clearly you have no idea what I’m talking about, even though she’s eye-fucking you from across the room right now.”

Immediately tensing, it took everything in him not to turn around. 

“ _Ohohoh,_ I was bullshitting you just now, but what a reaction, from _you_ of all people.”

Tsunade wouldn’t mind if Genma went missing, right? 

Drinking some more, “Mah, anyone would be shocked by such vulgarity. I thought you’d wise up by now after getting bitch slapped.”

Throwing him a crooked grin, “Oh she’ll be back, _trust me._ It’s called foreplay, my friend.”

Kakashi shook his head in disbelief.

“Don’t act coy. As if _you_ weren’t engaged in your own twisted version of foreplay when you enabled Sakura-chan to abuse the fuck outta me a few nights ago.”

He needed another drink.

“What are you talking about? You brought that all upon yourself Genma-kun,” he chimed with an eye crinkle.

Miraculously, Genma provided him with a new, full glass of bourbon. Mindlessly accepting it, Kakashi missed the gleam in his friend’s eyes. 

It was _the Devil_ that heard his pleas, remember? 

...

Kakashi was… drunk. _Drunk_ drunk. 

To a casual observer, his demeanor remained unchanged. He was the epitome of composure, nonchalance, and cool. His movements continued to be elegant and controlled. There was not a hint of a slur in his speech and his gaze was ever apathetic, yet perceptive, instead of clouded. But he knew better. His mental faculties were rather compromised, evident by the persistent train of thought that Sakura was just _so goddamn pretty,_ and he was doing his best not to look at her as she drunkenly rambled to the barkeep. 

Genma had long left him to his own devices, surprisingly going home with the very same woman who had earlier bitch slapped him, but not before he succeeded in getting Kakashi plastered. The establishment had mostly cleared out, although the floor was littered with unconscious patrons. Figuring he should head home too; he began walking toward the entrance when a gruff voice stopped him.

“Oi, fluffy.”

Huh?

“Ya you, silver-haired, slouchy brat. I’m talkin’ to ya.”

Turning to the barkeep with a small wave, “Yo, is there something you need?” 

The feral looking man was washing a stack of glasses while Sakura sat across from him, muttering to herself about the top ten poisons to make someone bleed out of their eyeballs. 

Nudging his head toward her, “I need ya to make sure she gets safely home.”

“What makes you think I’m a good person for that?”

“Tch, I know who ya are, _Hatake._ She’s gonna have a hell of a hangover tomorrow, the least ya can do is make sure she suffers in the comfort of her own home.”

Not one to argue with sound logic, Kakashi nodded, before proceeding to gently nudge Sakura off the barstool to go home. She muttered a faint _‘bye, bye Ken-chan’_ before passing out against him. Sighing, he carefully picked her up bridal style. On his way out, he heard the barkeep yell out to him, “If anything happens to peach, I’ll skin ya alive, slouchy brat!”

Mah, he was scary.

Twenty minutes later, with considerable effort as he was in a haze of intoxication himself, Kakashi was outside of Sakura’s apartment as she snoozed away peacefully in his arms. Her face was utterly content and occasionally she snorted and indecipherably murmured to herself. _Cute._

Just as he was fishing her keys out of her purse, she abruptly sprang to life and ambushed him. _Not cute._ Under any normal circumstances, he would have seen this coming. He would have been prepared for her attempt to unmask him as he knew about the 30,000 ryos Team 7 pot that had accumulated over the years. He would have the mental and physical prowess to evade her reach as she ripped his mask down. Yet all he could do was watch the invasion of privacy unfold as his brain was discombobulated mush. 

“AHAH!” she yelled out triumphantly before gasping as she got a good look at him. 

Kakashi stared blankly at her. Dumbly, even. 

There was a moment of silence, before she shrieked with contempt. 

“Are you _fucking_ kidding me,” she slurred, pointing an accusatory finger at him.

“Huh?” he awkwardly responded. Words were hard. 

Grabbing his jacket, she aggressively pulled him toward her, peering at him through the fog of her drunken stupor, “How the _fuck_ are you prettier than me?!”

“Uh…” Her scent and the warmth radiating from her made him lightheaded. He stared stupidly at her pouty lips and burning green eyes, enraptured by how pretty and angry she was. 

Increasingly outraged as she started shaking him with both hands, “Why the _fuck_ are you so gorgeous? How is _that_ fair, you bastard?” 

He didn’t bother responding as it seemed she was on a roll with her pissed off rhetorical line of questioning. Instead, he was quite content with simply appreciating the view as she throttled him. 

“And why do you _always_ smell so good!? And why does your voice sound like _that?_ ”

“Like what?”

“Like that! _THAT!”_

He shrugged as she continued her tirade, not comprehending what he had done to offend her so.

Whining, “It’s not fair! You can’t be _this_ fucking hot. I already wanted to climb on top of you _before_ I saw your face—"

Wait.

_Hold up._

“You couldn’t have _designed_ a better-looking face—”

No, no wait.

_Back up._

“This is just— UGH BAKA,” she yelled before firmly pressing her lips against his. He immediately froze. Stunned. Was this a genjutsu? Or maybe a fever dream? Perhaps a scorned Genma conquest had succeeded in knocking him out with a beer bottle?

Then, her hot, pliant tongue darted out. Coaxing his mouth to open and move with hers. His already compromised, intoxicated brain promptly short circuited. She tasted sweet, with hints of sake. He typically hated sweets, but he could certainly become addicted to _this_ particular flavor. Her hand traveled to his waist, pulling his hips to hers as they sank into each other, the back of her head thudding against the door.

With absolutely no semblance of self-control, his hands roamed her soft body, one cupping the base of her neck, gripping her hair, and another at her hip moving up and down her side. His heartbeat thundered in his ears. She suddenly guided his hand, up her thigh, hiking up her dress in the process, before settling on her ass. Then, she lifted a leg to pin him to her. He almost went into cardiac arrest. 

She was _so_ warm. She was _fire._

After slowly tugging the zipper of his flak jacket, her hand slipped inside, palming his chest and abs that were covered by the thin material of his shirt. She sucked on his bottom lip before playfully biting down. On instinct he jerked forward, grounding into her, sending simultaneous shocks of electricity through both their bodies. Sakura responded with a very loud, throaty moan. She felt a delicious coil begin to tighten within her. 

_‘Oh fuck,’_ they both thought. 

Abruptly their faces broke apart, gasping for breath, as they stared at one another. With uncertainty. With desire. Their hot breaths intermingling. In Sakura’s drunken haze, not much was computing. It was complete sensory overload. He was overwhelming… the incarnation of sin… utter infuriating perfection. His _body._ His _hands._ His _mouth._ He really was a _‘panty-dropping, hot piece of ass’…_

She licked her lips in anticipation. Just as Kakashi was about to lean back in, Sakura brought a delicate finger to his mouth, lightly dragging it across, stopping him. He gave her a tantalizing grin. That was visible. _Visible._

Suddenly, her eyes widened in realization, “Oh… I just won 30,000 ryos…”

Kakashi cutely pouted, thinking he just fell for a honeypot. 

And then Sakura bent over and proceeded to vomit all of the sake she consumed that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all (probably):  
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> Me:  
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> As always, thank you for reading! Please consider leaving a review. Have a nice day!


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